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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. U v.868

For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. U v. 868
It is inevitable that education is an important policy for every country because children are the future of the country. Therefore, it raises the question the government should spend the money on the education of very young children or spend money on universities. I hold the belief that the government needs to spend the money on the young generation. First of all, it can benefit most people by spending the money on the young people because not every citizen is willing to enter the university, but they all need to study in the elementary school. Hence, if the government put the budget on the basic stage, it can help most people. Take my country Taiwan for example. In Taiwan, our government provides the basic education for all citizens, meaning that we all need to study in school for about nine years. Even the students coming from the disadvantaged family also can enter the school to learn the basic acknowledges without paying any money. Therefore, this policy makes Taiwan have the highest literacy rate around the world. Furthermore, expect the government, no other people or organization will offer the basic educational resources because it cannot make the profit on it. On the contrary, founding the university can make money by attracting many students desiring to have decent jobs in the future to pay the expensive tuition. On the other hands, only the government has the ability to conduct the basic education. Take China for example. At last year, the big earthquake hit China and many elementary schools collapsed. This accident made many people donate the money to build an elementary school to help the students there. At first, it seemed everything fine because the donation kept coming in so the school had enough money to find teachers and buy some fundamental stuffs for running the school. However, the donation decreases now because people start to forget this accident and the school finally shut down, proving that without the government, it is difficult to run the elementary school. Some may argue that the government needs to put the effort in the university since the university can help students to understand the advanced knowledge, which can lead our country to a brighter future. However, I insist that if we do not cultivate the strong basic knowledge in the elementary school, how can we learn well in the university? Therefore, if the government offer enough basic educational resources, then all students have enough abilities to enter the university, which will make our country stronger. In conclusion, I take the position that the government needs to spend money on the education of the young people because it not only can benefit more people but also is the task that only government can do.
It is inevitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
policy for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children are the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, it raises the question the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. I hold the belief that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can benefit most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by spending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not every citizen is willing to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to study in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Hence
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
put the budget on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
stage, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Taiwan
for example
. In Taiwan, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all citizens, meaning that we all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for about nine years. Even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
coming from the disadvantaged family
also
can enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
acknowledges without paying any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Therefore
, this policy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
Taiwan have the highest literacy rate around the world.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, no other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or organization will offer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
educational resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the profit on it.
On the contrary
, founding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by attracting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
desiring to have decent jobs in the future to pay the expensive tuition. On the other hands,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the ability to conduct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Take China
for example
. At last year, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
earthquake hit China and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
collapsed. This accident made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
donate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to build an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
there. At
first
, it seemed everything fine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the donation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
coming in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to find teachers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental stuffs for running the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, the donation decreases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to forget this accident and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
finally
shut down, proving that without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, it is difficult to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elementary
school.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to put the effort in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the advanced knowledge, which can lead our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to a brighter future.
However
, I insist that if we do not cultivate the strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, how can we learn well in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
?
Therefore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
educational resources, then all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
abilities to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
stronger.

In conclusion
, I take the position that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can benefit more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is the task that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can do.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
88Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. U v. 868

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
458 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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