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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Getting advice from older adults is better than getting advice from peers. Use specific reasons ad examples to support your opinion v.866

Getting advice from older adults is better than getting advice from peers. Use specific reasons ad examples to support your opinion v. 866
I think there are things that we should appreciate from older people because of their life experiences, which means that they might have wiser advices to give to younger people. However, I personally think that there are things that older people cannot consider fully to give younger people adequate advices. First of all, it is hard for them to understand that time has changed. Especially, these days, technology is developing almost everyday. Many youths, and people in 20s easily accept those changes and try to prepare for the future based on this dramatic development. However, if we ask advices regarding how to prepare for the future to older people, we wouldn’t be able to get meaningful advices. For example, nowadays, many young students dream to become youtubers and progammers, because they know that those occupations are valid jobs just as becoming a doctor. However, older people don’t understand how youtubers and progammers could be real jobs. For this reason, it wouldn’t be a good idea to ask advice from older people when it comes to deciding something about future. Also, it would be much better decision to ask their peers who understand these technology better. Moreover, in Korea society, because of our strict hierarchy based on our ages, it would be hard to get advices and it would be more like being scolded by older people. Because many older people believe that younger people are not capable of deciding solutions for their own problems. For instance, when I had a talk with my professor about going to graduate schools to study what I was really passionate about, he just simply told me that I can’t do that, because he knows more than me, and he thinks that I wouldn’t be successful. I think this kind of conversations happen a lot as if older generations are worrying about younger people. However, it only shows that older people’s not believing younger people’s choices. If these young people ask adivces to their friends, their friends wouldn’t try to discourage their friends, because they can easily think in their friends’ perspective. In conclusion, I think it is better to get advices form peers because those peers understand more about what is happening around you, and they can easily think in your perspective, rather than trying to teach you what to do.
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
there are things that we should appreciate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their life experiences, which means that they might have wiser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
to give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that there are things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot consider
fully
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adequate advices.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
that time has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
Especially
, these days, technology is developing almost
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
The comma is probably incorrect: "youths"
youths,
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 20s
easily
accept those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and try to prepare for the future based on this dramatic development.
However
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
regarding how to prepare for the future to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we wouldn’t be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
.
For example
, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young students dream to become
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtubers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
progammers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that those occupations are valid jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as becoming a doctor.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
how
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtubers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
progammers
could be real jobs.
For this reason
, it wouldn’t be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to deciding something about future.
Also
, it would be much better decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
their peers who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
Did you mean "this technology" or "these technologies"?
these technology
better.

Moreover
, in Korea society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our strict hierarchy based on our ages, it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
and it would be more like
being scolded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not capable of deciding solutions for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems.
For instance
, when I had a talk with my professor about going to graduate schools to study what I was
really
passionate about, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that I can’t do that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he knows more than me, and he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
that I wouldn’t be successful. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this kind of conversations happen a lot as if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generations are worrying about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
not believing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choices. If these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ask
Possible spelling mistake found.
adivces
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
wouldn’t try to discourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends’
perspective.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
form peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those peers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
more about what is happening around you, and they can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in your perspective,
rather
than trying to teach you what to do.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Getting advice from older adults is better than getting advice from peers. Use specific reasons ad examples to support your opinion v. 866

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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