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In some countries, people prefer children to grow in cities while some are in favour of them to grow in countryside. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion, reasons and explain with your own experiences. v.2

In some countries, people prefer children to grow in cities while some are in favour of them to grow in countryside. Give your opinion, reasons and explain with your own experiences. v. 2
Urbanisation has been evolved exponentially in past few decades, as a result of which more and more families are moving out of their small towns, villages and are settling in cities, specifically metro cities. Some people argue on this phenomenon while some of them find it beneficial for children to grow in cities. I shall explain both, pros and cons of this behaviour before drawing a final conclusion. To begin with, life in cities is different from countryside areas. One of the main impact on children who grow in cities is that they become complete city-dwellers. They know nothing about the basic routine work like how to milk a cow, how to do the fruit plantation and so on. They are more and more engrossed into the materialistic world due to the city culture they have seen since beginning. To illustrate this, I was born in a small town but raised in a metro city. Therefore, fortunately, I have experienced both the flavours of life but most of us don' t get this opportunity and can see only one side of the coin. Having said that, I can relate both type of life styles in a precise manner. Undoubtedly life is difficult in cities and children who grow in cities have to face that. For example traffic conditions, adverse impact of pollution on their health and so on. In addition to this, children who grow in countryside are more healthy and on an average live longer when compared to their counterparts in cities. Cities are corrupted by traffic and pollution that has detrimental impact on the health of offsprings which can be easily ignored while living in countryside. On the other hand, children who grow in countryside, usually face lack of facilities in terms of medical and education. For instance, when I was living in a small town with my family, we used to travel to the nearby city for medical emergencies, better education and better sports facilities. Consequently, many of the families either restrict their children to pursue further or they move to the cities. Any which way, children don' t have the bunch of opportunities available to them in small areas which they can find easily in cities. To conclude it, children are living fast-paced life in cities which is full of excitement and opportunities while life is slow in countryside. In my opinion, advantages of life in a city clearly overweigh the disadvantages in terms of better life style.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Urbanisation' is British English.
Urbanisation
has
been evolved
exponentially
in past few decades,
as a result
of which more and more families are moving out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
towns, villages and are settling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
specifically
metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue on this phenomenon while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them find it beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both, pros and cons of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a final conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
areas. One of the main impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is that they become complete city-dwellers. They know nothing about the basic routine work like how to milk a cow, how to do the fruit plantation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They are more and more engrossed into the materialistic world due to the city culture they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
since beginning. To illustrate this, I
was born
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
raised in a metro city.
Therefore
,
fortunately
, I have experienced both the
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavours' is British English.
flavours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of us
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this opportunity and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one side of the coin. Having said that, I can relate both type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
styles
Consider replacing "in a precise manner" with the adverb for "precise"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a precise manner
.
Undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is difficult in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face that.
For example
traffic conditions, adverse impact of pollution on their health and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
are more healthy and on an average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer when compared to their counterparts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cities
are corrupted
by traffic and pollution that has detrimental impact on the health of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
which can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
while living in countryside.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grow
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
,
usually
face lack of facilities in terms of medical and education.
For instance
, when I was living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
town with my family, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to travel to the nearby city for medical emergencies, better education and better sports facilities.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the families either restrict their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to pursue
further
or they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Any which way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have the bunch of opportunities available to them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
areas which they can find
easily
in cities.

To conclude
it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which is full of excitement and opportunities while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is slow in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. In my opinion, advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in a city
clearly
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the disadvantages in terms of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, people prefer children to grow in cities while some are in favour of them to grow in countryside. Give your opinion, reasons and explain with your own experiences. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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