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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should be required to help to learn cooking as soon as they are able to do so. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.845

Children should be required to help to learn cooking as soon as they are able to do so. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 845
There several ways parents bring up their kids; some prefer to be authoritarian, while others believe that being liberal is the best way to raise children. I believe that restricting young people is not a good idea. I feel this way for three main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, setting strict regulations result in resistance. All these principles made by mom and dad sometimes may be too demanding, which results in disobeying. Gradually, kids start to lie to their parents to get rid of extra punishments and quarrels. my personal experience is a compelling example of this. A couple of months ago my friend asked me out for a movie, however, (p) I was not allowed to go out with guys. Eventually, I had to tell my parents that I went to a movie with my best friends. In consequence, I did not obey my parents, instead, I lied. this situation describes that all these rules do not have any impact, but rather distance me from my parents and even can ruin our relationship. although parents believe that being authoritarian disciplines and brings up better qualities, young people hate being told what to do and being restricted, which in turn leads to aggression. Secondly, since every decision was made by parents kids are tend to be indecisive and coward. some obedient children just follow the rules set by their parents. However, these little ones become unable to analyze and understand the true purpose of these restrictions. although teenagers are not capable of making decisions on their own, they still have to learn to take responsibility for their actions. For instance, recently a friend of mine went shopping with me for her very first time. she could not pick one jacket out of thousands, because she used to wear what her mom buys for her. she ended up calling her mom and asking which jacket she should buy. this example clearly shows that being too overprotective and authoritarian lacks children of confidence and independence. teenagers are not pets and they should not be told what to do. I strongly believe that it is better to give advice and help young people to choose the right path, instead of setting strict principles. In conclusion, I think that parents should not be authoritarian and demanding. this is because setting strict rules is inefficient and leads to hesitation as noted above.
There several ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
bring up their kids;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authoritarian
, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that being liberal is the best way to raise children. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that restricting young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. I feel this way for three main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, setting strict regulations result in resistance. All these principles made by mom and dad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
may be too demanding, which results in disobeying.
Gradually
, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to lie to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of extra punishments and quarrels.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
personal experience is a compelling example of this. A couple of months ago my friend asked me out for a movie,
however
, (p) I was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go out with guys.
Eventually
, I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that I went to a movie with my best friends. In consequence, I did not obey my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
instead
, I lied.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
that all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
do not have any impact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
distance me from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and even can ruin our relationship.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authoritarian
disciplines and brings up better qualities, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hate being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
what to do and
being restricted
, which in turn leads to aggression.

Secondly
, since every decision
was made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
kids are
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to be indecisive and coward.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
obedient children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
set by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones become unable to analyze and understand the true purpose of these restrictions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not capable of making decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn to take responsibility for their actions.
For instance
, recently a friend of mine went shopping with me for her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
she
could not pick one jacket out of thousands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wear what her mom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
for her.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
she
ended up calling her mom and asking which jacket she should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
example
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that being too overprotective and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authoritarian
lacks children of confidence and independence.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
teenagers
are not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pets and
they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
what to do. I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is better to give advice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to choose the right path,
instead
of setting strict principles.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authoritarian
and demanding.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
setting strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
is inefficient and leads to hesitation as noted above.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should be required to help to learn cooking as soon as they are able to do so. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 845

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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