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Children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. v.1

Children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. v. 1
The issue about whether children should help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so is open for debate. Some people say that children should devote more time for playing with their friends, watching TV and studying. However, other people believe that children should help their parents with household tasks. Personally, for several reasons, which I will explain bellow, I adhere to the latter point of view. First of all, I think that every child should have his or her own responsibilities. When I was a child my parents taught me how to make breakfast in the morning. So, I woke up, went to the kitchen and prepared a couple of toasts for breakfast. It was easy and I enjoyed doing it because I liked the way my parents thanked me and I felt that they were proud of me. Also, my mom always wanted me to know how to cook, clean and iron my cloth. Thanks to the learning, nowadays, when my maid can not come to my house I handle all household tasks myself. Second of all, performing household tasks teaches children to value the job of people who did it. When I was a child I did not imagine that cleaning house could be so time and energy consuming. So, when I began to do some of the household tasks by myself I began to respect the job of others and tried to collect all my toys after my playing with them. Finally, doing household tasks teaches children to arrange their time. In addition to those practical benefits, help from children allows parents to have more spare time for their personal lives and for the children. A family can have more time to spend with each other talking, watching movies or just enjoying the beautiful moments. To sum up, I think that children should help their parents with household tasks. Doing household tasks helps them to grow into independent, self-confident, and attentive persons who respect their parents.
The issue about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they are able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is open for debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should devote more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing with their friends, watching TV and studying.
However
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
.
Personally
, for several reasons, which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
bellow, I adhere to the latter point of view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every child should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibilities.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I was a child my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
taught me how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
breakfast in the morning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I woke up, went to the kitchen and prepared a couple of toasts for breakfast. It was easy and I enjoyed doing it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I liked the way my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
thanked me and I felt that they were proud of me.
Also
, my mom always wanted me to know how to cook, clean and iron my cloth. Thanks to the learning, nowadays, when my maid can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
I handle all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
myself.

Second of all, performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to value the job of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who did it. When I was a child I did not imagine that cleaning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy consuming.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when I began to do
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
by myself I began to respect the job of others and tried to collect all my toys after my playing with them.

Finally
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to arrange their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In addition
to those practical benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A family can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with each other talking, watching movies or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enjoying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
moments.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
. Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to grow into independent, self-confident, and attentive persons who respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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