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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are less dependent on their parents than young people in the past. v.818

Young people today are less dependent on their parents than young people in the past. v. 818
No one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that parents concern about their children from the first days of our birth. They have a paramount role in the decision-making process of their children in important situations. Children become independence of their parents during the times. Not all people concur when this issue arises. Being cognizant to the logic behind those who repudiate or endorse the legitimacy of this contention, not having any biased perception, I presume that nowadays young people are self-reliance of their parent in comparison to the past. Among a plentitude of reasons in support of this assertion, the invention of new technologies and change in the culture of the today’s societies could be picked out for further analysis. To commence with, a consensus has yet to be reached; however, regarding benefits of state of art devices, based upon the statistics of different general questionnaires in sundry countries, people are unanimous about the conviction that people could use these facilities such as searching on the internet for obtaining enough data for making a suitable decision. To delineate, they acquire a lot of knowledge and increase their awareness of positive and negative effects of any choose. In fact, these technologies replace consulting with parents in the critical situation. Furthermore, the cutting edge devices decrease their dependence on doing some daily activities. For instance, these devices facilitate their life; moreover, they use some washing machine and some electronic and automatic devices for doing some activities. In addition to the reason raised above; altering new societies culture’s aspects could also substantiate the justifiability the claim made at the outset of this essay. In conjunction with public belief, people’s values change dramatically during the last decade. The young people attempt to be the independence of their family as soon as possible. For instance, they seek for some suitable chances to finding a part-time job at the same time they are studying. Young people have a severe competition with their peers to shows their ability to the society and proved themselves. The first and most important step in this process is being responsible and self-sufficiency of the family and they should gain their needs solely. Thus, these changes in young people ideas have significance role in the change of society’s culture. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above. The results of a study by Rice University’s graduate students unveiled that about 85 percent of young people separate their life from their parents in the age of 18 in 2016 where this number is about 15 percent in 2002. This example shows that the alteration of people culture in the modern world. Drawing upon of the above reasons, discreetly put, as far as my personal perspective on the topic is concerned, I reiterate that nowadays young people have more tendency to be self-sufficiency in the first years of the youth in comparison to the past. Not only new technologies are effective in this change but also the cultural differences cause this variation.
No one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
concern about their children from the
first
days of our birth. They have a paramount role in the decision-making process of their children in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
situations. Children become independence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
during the times. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concur when this issue arises. Being cognizant to the logic behind those who repudiate or endorse the legitimacy of this contention, not having any biased perception, I presume that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are self-reliance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
in comparison
to the past. Among a
Possible spelling mistake found.
plentitude
of reasons in support of this assertion, the invention of new technologies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
could
be picked
out for
further
analysis.

To commence with, a consensus has
yet
to
be reached
;
however
, regarding benefits of
The phrase 'state of art' is correct if it refers to the condition of art. But, if you mean 'most recent technological development', use the noun "state of the art" or the adjective "state-of-the-art".
state of art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, based upon the statistics of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
general questionnaires in sundry countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unanimous about the conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these facilities such as searching on the internet for obtaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
data for making a suitable decision. To delineate, they acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge and increase their awareness of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of any choose. In fact, these technologies replace consulting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the critical situation.
Furthermore
, the cutting edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
decrease their dependence on doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
daily activities.
For instance
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
facilitate their life;
moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
washing machine and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
electronic and automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
for doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities.

In addition
to the reason raised above; altering new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture’s
aspects could
also
substantiate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
justifiability
the claim made at the outset of this essay. In conjunction with public belief,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
values
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
dramatically
during the last decade. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attempt to be the independence of their family as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
For instance
, they seek for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suitable chances to finding a part-time job at the same time they are studying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a severe competition with their peers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
their ability to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and proved themselves. The
first
and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step in this process is being responsible and self-sufficiency of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they should gain their needs
solely
.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
have significance role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above. The results of a study by Rice University’s graduate students unveiled that about 85 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
separate their life from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the age of 18 in 2016 where this number is about 15 percent in 2002. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the alteration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the modern world.

Drawing upon of the above reasons,
discreetly
put, as far as my personal perspective on the topic
is concerned
, I reiterate that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more tendency to be self-sufficiency in the
first
years of the youth
in comparison
to the past. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
new technologies are effective in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the cultural differences cause this variation.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people today are less dependent on their parents than young people in the past. v. 818

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
508 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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