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young people in the past were more dependent on their parents to make decisions, however, they are able to make decisions about their own lives v.1

young people in the past were more dependent on their parents to make decisions, however, they are able to make decisions about their own lives v. 1
In recent times, there has been an argument regarding the presence of the internet. Some persons are of the view that the cyberspace has brought individuals nearest to each other while others, including me support that associations are deserted. The rationale for each view will be discussed below. Some bodies maintain that the web has made relationships stronger. Long lasting affiliations are formed through the net. People chat more often with each other, make voice and video calls, this act strengthens the bond because there is constant communication. This medium has created an effective alliance between countries and indeed this affinity has lasted over time. In addition, most friendships, marriages, and business partners are as a result of hyperspace. For example, my aunt, Felicia Richard, and her husband met on Facebook and developed affections which eventually led to marriage. On the other hand, other beings, of which category I belong to, insist that the public and other entities are secluded. Human beings are more comfortable chatting with strangers instead of having conversations with persons in their neighbourhood. More so, this attitude can lead to conflict amongst the public and such trait is due to the lack of harmony and connection between communities. However, a survey carried out by a psychologist, Dr Richmond Peters, shows that 75% of the nation are in disunity because of the absence of effective contact. In conclusion, although some people agree that the World Wide Web has strengthened togetherness, I opine that this invention is disastrous and has caused loneliness between humans.
In recent times, there has been an argument regarding the presence of the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
persons are of the view that the cyberspace has brought individuals nearest to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
while others, including me support that associations
are deserted
. The rationale for each view will
be discussed
below.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
bodies maintain that the web has made relationships stronger.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Long lasting
affiliations
are formed
through the net.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
chat more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
voice and video calls, this act strengthens the bond
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is constant communication. This medium has created an effective alliance between countries and
indeed
this affinity has lasted over time.
In addition
, most friendships, marriages, and business partners are
as a result
of hyperspace.
For example
, my aunt, Felicia Richard, and her husband met on Facebook and developed affections which
eventually
led to marriage.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
beings, of which category I belong to, insist that the public and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
entities
are secluded
. Human beings are more comfortable chatting with strangers
instead
of having conversations with persons in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, this attitude can lead to conflict amongst the public and such trait is due to the lack of harmony and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
communities.
However
, a survey carried out by a psychologist, Dr Richmond Peters,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 75% of the nation are in disunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the absence of effective contact.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the World Wide Web has strengthened togetherness, I opine that this invention is disastrous and has caused loneliness between humans.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay young people in the past were more dependent on their parents to make decisions, however, they are able to make decisions about their own lives v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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