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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? traveling to foreign countries is better than traveling in their own country. v.817

traveling to foreign countries is better than traveling in their own country. v. 817
In my opinion, traveling to foreign countries is better than traveling in their own country like going to different cities in the country. Personally, I am living one of my best experiments now in the USA. First of all, I believe that traveling to foreign country provides you with new cultures, languages learning. It makes you gain more skills that you never been accepted before, especially in your relationships with other people from different places and cultures. For instance, I am living now in the USA. I traveled to the USA from three years ago. I think that this experiment or you can say adventure is my best event that happened to me in my life. I am studying in an American university in Fairfield city, and this helped me in learning new languages and recognize new cultures. I learned many kinds of literature in the USA like American English, Hindu and also Japanese. One of my best friends called Sami, from India taught me Hindu letters and how you can make sentences from these letters. Moreover, I loved Indian food it' s so hot and delicious. As a result, The traveling to the foreign country makes your culture to improve. In addition to, the traveling to America helped me in finding excellent opportunities in my career. I am working as Game Developer. I faced many problems through this field in my country. It seems to me that you don' t have more chances to get game developer position in any company. The main reason for this issue that most programming companies in my country preferred to make web apps or mobile applications apps directed to serve industries companies like accounting programs, production analysis programs. In addition to developing apps for restaurants and other commercial enterprises. It is rare to find a company that makes games apps, and if we see it, the company will give you few salary compared to the actual wage to this job in another country. As a result, these problems that I struggled with it in my country, I founded that the USA provided me with more chances in Games programming field. Since I am working now as Android game developer in Florida city. Also, I am taking high salary associated with more advantages in my company in the USA. Overall I see that my experiment to travel to foreign country provides me with more great opportunities in my career. In conclusion, traveling to the foreign country one of the best decisions you can take it in your life.
In my opinion, traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is better than traveling in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Personally
, I am living one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
experiments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the USA.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
provides you with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, languages learning. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you gain more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that you
The adverb 'never' is usually put after the verb 'been'.
never been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
especially
in your relationships with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For instance
, I am living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the USA. I traveled to the USA from three years ago. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this experiment or you can say adventure is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that happened to me in my life.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am studying in an American university in Fairfield city, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me in learning new languages and recognize new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of literature in the USA like American English, Hindu and
also
Japanese. One of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
friends called Sami, from India taught me Hindu letters and how you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sentences from these letters.
Moreover
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Indian food
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
hot and delicious.
As a result
, The traveling to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.

In addition
to, the traveling to America
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me in finding excellent opportunities in my career. I am working as Game Developer. I faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems through this field in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It seems to me that you
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have more chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
game developer position in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The main reason for this issue that most programming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
preferred to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
web apps or mobile applications apps directed to serve industries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like accounting programs, production analysis programs.
In addition
to developing apps for restaurants and other commercial enterprises. It is rare to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
apps, and if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will give you
Possible agreement error. The noun salary seems to be countable; consider using: "few salaries".
few salary
compared to the actual wage to this job in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
As a result
, these problems that I struggled with it in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, I founded that the USA provided me with more chances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
programming field. Since I am working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
as Android game developer in Florida city.
Also
, I am taking high salary associated with more advantages in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in the USA.
Overall
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that my experiment to travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
provides me with more great opportunities in my career.

In conclusion
, traveling to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
decisions you can take it in your life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay traveling to foreign countries is better than traveling in their own country. v. 817

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
424 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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