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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising influences people's behavior in a negative way. use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v.812

Advertising influences people's behavior in a negative way. use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 812
Currently the way how we make decisions while purchasing goods is hardly dependent on which information we take into account. A great deal of people hold the belief that advertisements negatively effect the ability of individuals to purchase products wisely. I partially agree that ads could influence us in a bad way, however I believe that if the governments controlled toughly advertisement campaigns we would receive only usefull information from advertisements. First of all, the main motivation for sellers of goods is making profit, therefore they are interested in higher revenue instead of real value for clients. Over the last century advertisements has changed dramatically, they became much more concise and usually provide no iformation about real features of the product advertised. For example, recently BMW company has promoted its' new car with almost empty banners around the world, the only things which were printed on them were the wheel with BMW logo and slogan that everyone has to buy it. I belive that such a promotion provide no value for prospective buyers and should be banned. Nevertheless, advertisements could help buyers to find out information about product they consider to buy, especialy if promotion companies were well supervised. The main problem is connected with the fact that some companies are cheating on customers by providing untruth information or emphasising only on positive features of the good. For instance, farmaceutical companies show in advertisements information about positive effects of treatments and do not disclose possible side effects and those type of advertisements is banned in developed countries. In conclusion, even though we are negatively influenced by some advertisements, proper governments' controll could change the way how products are advertised. Moreover we could became wise consumers and consume products with maximal effectiveness.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
the way how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions while purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is hardly dependent on which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
we take into account. A great deal of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
negatively
effect the ability of individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
wisely
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that ads could influence us in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way,
however
I believe that if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
controlled
toughly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
campaigns we would receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from advertisements.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main motivation for sellers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is making profit,
therefore
they
are interested
in higher revenue
instead
of real value for clients. Over the last century
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
, they became much more concise and
usually
provide no
Possible spelling mistake found.
iformation
about real features of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
advertised.
For example
, recently BMW
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has promoted
Possible spelling mistake found.
its&
#039; new car with almost empty banners around the world, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
things which
were printed
on them were the wheel with BMW logo and slogan that everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that such a promotion provide no value for prospective buyers and should
be banned
.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
buyers to find out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they consider to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
especialy
if promotion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
were well supervised. The main problem
is connected
with the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are cheating on customers by providing untruth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasising' is British English.
emphasising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
features of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
farmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of treatments and do not disclose possible side effects and those type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
is banned
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

In conclusion
,
even though
we are
negatively
influenced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
governments&
#039;
Possible spelling mistake found.
controll
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are advertised
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
we could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "become"
became
wise consumers and consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with maximal effectiveness.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Advertising influences people's behavior in a negative way. use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 812

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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