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Many children these days have their own mobile phones What are advantages and disadvantages Give your own opinion v.2

Many children these days have their own mobile phones What are advantages and disadvantages Give your own opinion v. 2
In the last decade, smart phones have brought a revolution in communications industry and it has changed the way we used to communicate and gather information. Parents and even most of the youngsters have their own smart devices. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of these mobile phones and will provide the opinion that parent’s supervision is required on kids. One of the main advantages for children having a mobile gadget is that it is a highway of information. For example, with click of a button a child can get where the pyramid of Giza is, how it was built and how old it is. Even, it is helpful to perform research for upcoming class assignment. Thus, a young kid is always able to search for topics of interest. Secondly, smart phones provide a chance to be always connected with family and friends. Let’s take whatsapp as an example, it is providing a facility to be with loved ones whenever required. Audio, video calls, messages and even media can be shared with ease. At time of emergency it is easy to reach family and civil defence services. Turning to the other side, youngsters are always under a threat of child abusers. They act like well-wisher and friend but there actual motives are very dangerous. Last year a gang of child abductors was caught by New York police. These criminals will search their prey on social media, will become their friend and will invite to meet. During the meeting they will kidnap the kid and will ask the family for ransom. Another issue is that, kids become addicted to their mobile devices and this addiction starts hurting their vision, hunger and sleep patterns. A lot of parents have started complaining that kids will stay hours and hours in front of these electronic devices. A recent survey by University of Maryland has revealed that two out of ten teenagers are facing sleep and hunger deprivation because of over usage of these devices. All the things considered, as this new technological advancement have brought some advantages of quick communication and information, it has also brought physical and psychological dangers to children. In my opinion, it is duty of parents to keep an eye on the activities of their young ones and restrict access when it is necessary.
In the last decade, smart phones have brought a revolution in communications industry and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to communicate and gather information.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and even most of the youngsters have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
smart devices. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of these mobile phones and will provide the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
supervision
is required
on kids.

One of the main advantages for children having a mobile gadget is that it is a highway of information.
For example
, with click of a button a child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
where the pyramid of Giza is, how it
was built
and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
it is. Even, it is helpful to perform research for upcoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
assignment.
Thus
, a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is always able to search for topics of interest.

Secondly
, smart phones provide a chance to be always connected with family and friends.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s take
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsapp
as an example, it is providing a facility to be with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
whenever required. Audio, video calls, messages and even media can
be shared
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. At time of emergency it is easy to reach family and civil
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
services.

Turning to the other side, youngsters are always under a threat of child abusers. They act like well-wisher and friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there actual motives are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. Last year a gang of child abductors
was caught
by New York police. These criminals will search their prey on social media, will become their friend and will invite to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. During the meeting they will kidnap the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
and will ask the family for ransom.

Another issue is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become addicted to their mobile devices and this addiction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
hurting their vision, hunger and sleep patterns.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
complaining that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will stay hours and hours in front of these electronic devices. A recent survey by University of Maryland has revealed that two out of ten
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are facing sleep and hunger deprivation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over usage of these devices.

All the things considered, as this new technological advancement have brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of quick communication and information, it has
also
brought physical and psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
to children. In my opinion, it is duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the activities of their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and restrict access when it is necessary.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children these days have their own mobile phones What are advantages and disadvantages Give your own opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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