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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v.795

Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 795
Some people say that in modern society it became easy to plan out things and prepare for individual' s future due to highly developed risk prevention system and predictability of social changes. However, in my opinion, the ability to organize and prepare is even more crucial than the past, especially for young people. This is because the degree system became complicated, and also because their life cycle is quite different from that of the previous generation. First, it' s important for young people, especially who are academically passionate, to decide what to focus and set goals accordingly. Otherwise, they will fall into the bottomless pit of unemployment and dissatisfaction toward their condition. My personal experience will be a good example. In my 4th year in university, I couldn' t decide which school or country to proceed further my degree. It was same for the exact field of a department that was undecided. Eventually, I couldn' t avoid wasting a lot of time after graduation. Because I stayed unemployed and being uncertain about the future, that period of time was emotionally disturbing. This demonstrates that for young people who are eager to learn something, it' s necessary to effectively plan out things. Second, young people' s life cycle is different from that of the previous generation, which is their parent' s generation, which means that they are not obliged to follow particular life steps. In the past, it was almost mandatory for women to get marry in a certain age and give a birth to their husbands. The reason for lowering birth rate nowadays is partly due to the young woman' s disenchantment. They would rather pursue their own career goals, instead of sacrificing their life for patriarchy society. This shows that possible choices for young woman have been grown, which requires a high level of scheming for one' s future. To sum up, the ability to plan and organize things is vital for young people more than other things, partly because it' s needed for academic achievement, and mainly because they are less bound to certain ideology or pathway.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that in modern society it became easy to plan out things and prepare for
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s future due to
highly
developed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
prevention system and predictability of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
However
, in my opinion, the ability to organize and prepare is even more crucial than the past,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the degree system became complicated, and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
cycle is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from that of the previous generation.

First
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
who are
academically
passionate, to decide what to focus and set goals
accordingly
.
Otherwise
, they will fall into the bottomless pit of unemployment and dissatisfaction toward their condition. My personal experience will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example. In my 4th year in university, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t decide which school or country to proceed
further
my degree. It was same for the exact field of a department that
was undecided
.
Eventually
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t avoid wasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time after graduation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I stayed unemployed and being uncertain about the future, that period of time was
emotionally
disturbing. This demonstrates that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are eager to learn something,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s necessary to
effectively
plan out things.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
cycle is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from that of the previous generation, which is their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s generation, which means that they are not obliged to follow particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
steps. In the past, it was almost mandatory for women to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
marry in a certain age and give a birth to their husbands. The reason for lowering birth rate nowadays is partly due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
woman&
#039; s disenchantment. They would
rather
pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career goals,
instead
of sacrificing their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
for patriarchy society. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that possible choices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
woman have
been grown
, which requires a high level of scheming for
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s future.

To sum up, the ability to plan and organize things is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more than other things, partly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s needed for academic achievement, and
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are less bound to certain ideology or pathway.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 795

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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