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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v.336

Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 336
It is widely thought that all nations are comparable to each other due to the fact that everybody in this world can purchase the same products, despite where they come from or are. Although many people believe it can be a negative progress, I particularly think that having the chance to buy several things made in different countries is a positive development. One key point is that the more accessibility nations can have to obtain products, the better quality their services are. Nowadays, the availability of products that were made far away can help the society to move forward throughout increasing the number of services they can offer. For instance, a huge variety of illnesses in Peru have been treated better than before and it is explained by the idea that hospitals have more access to new equipments from USA and Germany, which help to treat diseases in the same way as in those aforementioned developed countries. Nevertheless, there are also negative impacts which must be considered. One important thing is that not all the products are beneficial at all to improve the social advance and can affect the citizens in different ways such as those who threat against the public security. Taking the weapons as an example, it has allowed that the crime rate increased over the world, and it is evidently because criminals can purchase easily guns from abroad and use them either to kill or steal. In conclusion, while many nations are becoming similar through the same availability of technology, it can also affect the progress of many of them. In my opinion, even though having some negative effects, I believe overall the fact that countries are becoming similar is a positive progress.
It is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that all nations are comparable to each other due to the fact that everybody in this world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, despite where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from or are. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
progress, I
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
several things made in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

One key point is that the more accessibility nations can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, the better quality their services are. Nowadays, the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
were made
far away can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward throughout increasing the number of services they can offer.
For instance
, a huge variety of illnesses in Peru have
been treated
better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that hospitals have more access to new equipments
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the USA".
from USA
and Germany, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to treat diseases
in the same way
as in those aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

Nevertheless
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is that not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are beneficial at all to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the social advance and can affect the citizens in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways such as those who threat against the public security. Taking the weapons as an example, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
that the crime rate increased over the world, and it is
evidently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
criminals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
easily
guns from abroad and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them either to kill or steal.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations are becoming similar through the same availability of technology, it can
also
affect the progress of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them. In my opinion,
even though
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, I believe
overall
the fact that countries are becoming similar is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
progress.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 336

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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