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TPO 48 Writing IndependentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v.1

TPO 48 Writing Independent Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 1
A lot of people believe that organizing a global sports event is very useful to the hosting country. Although some may argue that expending money on such events is a waste, I strongly believe that any country will economically benefit from hosting them. It’s well known that in order to set up an international sports event a large sum of money is required to be spent. Some people find this totally unworthy. That is because they are convinced that these amounts of cash should be spent on developing the country’s infrastructure and improving national public services like education, health and transportation. For instance, major sporting events like the world football cup or the Olympics are only organized in developed countries because they have the funds to do so unlike third world countries who can’t use their already limited resources to host such luxurious events. Instead, their governments will use the money on projects that will benefit the citizens. However, this essay disagrees with that view because any nation will gain from the exposure and tourism resulting from having such mega-sporting incidents. On the other hand, some individuals support the idea of hosting these kinds of events simply because the country will be a touristic attraction. Many sports fans will travel from all over the world to attend which consequently will nurture the country’s economy through tourism and entertainment. For example: the London 2012 Olympics drew in thousands of sports lovers which ultimately made the country benefit a lot in terms of employing large number of people and receiving big number of revenues from selling tickets. For these reasons, this essay completely agrees that hosting worldwide sports occasions will be so rewarding. In conclusion, despite the fact that organizing high profile athletic events needs a huge sum of money, they benefit the host nation economically and politically.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that organizing a global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that expending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is a waste, I
strongly
believe that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
economically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
them.

It’s well known that in order to set up an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
a large sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is required
to
be spent
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find this
totally
unworthy.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are convinced
that these amounts of cash should
be spent
on developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
infrastructure and improving national public services like education, health and transportation.
For instance
, major sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the world football cup or the Olympics are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
organized in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the funds to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
unlike third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their already limited resources to host such luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Instead
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on projects that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
the citizens.
However
, this essay disagrees with that view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any nation will gain from the exposure and tourism resulting from having such mega-sporting incidents.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be a touristic attraction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fans will travel from all over the world to attend which
consequently
will nurture the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy through tourism and entertainment.
For example
: the London 2012 Olympics drew in thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lovers which
ultimately
made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
a lot in terms of employing large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and receiving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of revenues from selling tickets. For these reasons, this essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
occasions will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rewarding.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that organizing high profile athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
needs a huge sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
the host nation
economically
and
politically
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay TPO 48 Writing Independent Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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