Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Our lives have been more affected by TV than cellphones. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v.777

Our lives have been more affected by TV than cellphones. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v. 777
We live in a world called global village nowadays. Nobody doubts that It is mostly called that because of communication instruments such as satellites and the internet. Television and cellphones are used widely by people all across the world these days and it seems it is impossible to live without these two devices. Germane to this fast, a question that is matter of debate, a controversial one, is whether TV has a more significant impact on our lives than cellphone or not. Although TV still has a great deal in forming and shaping ideas and attitudes of the people all around the world, I' m personally on the conviction that this effect of TV is getting reduced by increasing number of cellphones in the world and the importance of cellphones in our lives overshadows that of the TV. To start out, one compelling reason deserving to be mentioned is that these days probably everyone has a smartphone which can provide people with the access to the internet and social networks which has a great deal in our everyday lives. Official surveys have shown that people, especially younger adults, spend most of their leisure time surfing the internet, talking with their friends through social networks such as Facebook or Whatsapp. Consequently, the youth are mostly influenced by their virtual friends over the internet through their cellphones or tablets. To delineate people are mostly affected by the trends which has become popular through the cellphones and social networks, because these trends are not dictated by governments or big companies. These trends are acceptable by the youth, because every single person can share their interests and spread out their very own ideas with their friends and everyone all over the internet and that' s why our life styles are mostly affected by the cellphones. Another point which is equally important, if not more, is that cellphone are more accessible and people can carry their cellphones everywhere. People usually spend some part of their time outside of their homes and necessarily they have to get away from from their televisions in those times meanwhile they can check out their cellphone everywhere. As a result, people spend more time with their cellphone, specially with their smartphone which can be available everywhere, on the subway, in the park, at the restaurants, wherever the person please and therefore people can be affected more by the cellphone. However it can not be generalized to all context. Senior citizens of the community hardly have a cellphone and it is difficult for them to come along with these new technologies and they spend most of their free times at home watching television. Thus they are more influenced by televisions and its trends instead of cellphone. To recapitulate, new generations can' t be separated from their cellphone and they spend most of their time looking at the screen of their smartphone and they are mostly affected by their mobiles. And as a big fan of smartphones, I personally take comfort in spending most of my time talking with my friends over the cellphones or playing games with my mobile.
We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
called global village nowadays. Nobody doubts that It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
called that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of communication instruments such as satellites and the internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
and cellphones are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
widely
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
these days and it seems it is impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without these two devices. Germane to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, a question
that is
matter of debate, a controversial one, is whether TV has a more significant impact on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
than cellphone or not. Although TV
still
has a great deal in forming and shaping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and attitudes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m
personally
on the conviction that this effect of TV is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by increasing number of cellphones in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and the importance of cellphones in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
overshadows that of the TV.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
out, one compelling reason deserving to
be mentioned
is that these days
probably
everyone has a smartphone which can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the access to the internet and social networks which has a great deal in our everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Official surveys have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
younger adults,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
surfing the internet, talking with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
through social networks such as Facebook or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
.
Consequently
, the youth are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
influenced by their virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
over the internet through their cellphones or tablets. To delineate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
which has become popular through the cellphones and social networks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
are not dictated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
are acceptable by the youth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every single person can share their interests and spread out their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and everyone all over the internet and
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s why our life styles are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by the cellphones.

Another point which is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, if not more, is that cellphone are more accessible and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can carry their cellphones everywhere.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their homes and
necessarily
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away
Possible typo: you repeated a word
from from
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
meanwhile they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
out their cellphone everywhere.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their cellphone,
specially
with their smartphone which can be available everywhere, on the subway, in the park, at the restaurants, wherever the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
more by the cellphone.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it can not
be generalized
to all context. Senior citizens of the community hardly have a cellphone and it is difficult for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
along with these new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technologies and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
at home watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they are more influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
instead
of cellphone.

To recapitulate, new generations
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t
be separated
from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cellphone and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
looking at the screen of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smartphone and
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
by their mobiles. And as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan of smartphones, I
personally
take comfort in spending most of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
talking with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
over the cellphones or playing games with my mobile.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Our lives have been more affected by TV than cellphones. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v. 777

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
518 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts