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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Our lives have been more affected by TV than cellphones. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v.320

Our lives have been more affected by TV than cellphones. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v. 320
Although, some think that money ought to be the best present for the youth, others believe that it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I consider that it is a better option, since it can reduce the chances of giving undesirable gifts. On the one hand, in my view, offering money is definitely easier, as teenagers will be able to purchase anything that they want and be satisfied with it. In other words, the giver can tremendously reduce the chances of giving unwanted gifts to the teenagers, as they can use the cash to buy what they really desire. During Chinese New Year, for instance, many families often celebrate the tradition by putting cash in a red envelope to the younger generation, in order to avoid unpleasant gift that can lead to bad luck. If adults decided to give other gift alternatives, it will have higher chances for teenagers to not like what they have been given. On the other hand, providing money to the youth can increase the chances of them to be a victim to fraud. This is because of the fact that they are still young and reckless, hence they can be effortlessly scammed by others. Researchers discovered that scammers often look for the youth since they are still fragile and can be manipulated easily. Due to this, parents often provide other gift options to avoid such occasion to their offspring. In conclusion, although people may have vary opinions, I believe that money is the best choice to give to teenagers, as they will be able to obtain what they desire with the money.
Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
ought to be the best present for the youth, others believe that it can be detrimental. In my opinion, I consider that it is a better option, since it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
of giving undesirable gifts.

On the one hand, in my view, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is definitely easier, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
anything that they want and
be satisfied
with it. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the giver can
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
of giving unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the cash to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what they
really
desire. During Chinese New Year,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
celebrate the tradition by putting cash in a red envelope to the younger generation, in order to avoid unpleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
that can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck. If adults decided to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
alternatives, it will have higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to not like what they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the youth can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
of them to be a victim to fraud. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they are
still
young and reckless,
hence
they can be
effortlessly
scammed by others. Researchers discovered that scammers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
look for the youth since they are
still
fragile and can
be manipulated
easily
. Due to this, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
options to avoid such occasion to their offspring.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have
Use past participle here: "varied".
vary
opinions, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the best choice to give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, as they will be able to obtain what they desire with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Our lives have been more affected by TV than cellphones. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v. 320

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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