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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from our grandparents is no longer useful, for the world has changed so much during the past 50 years. v.740

The advice from our grandparents is no longer useful, for the world has changed so much during the past 50 years. v. 740
Success is so desirable for every one of us, and the advice from our family members are usually important references on our ways to it. Some people believe that the advice from our grandparents is no longer useful for the world has changed so much. However, I think it is an overstatement. Although our grandparents cannot keep up with changes in some cases, they still have a lot of precious experiences for us to learn. It is true that grandparents usually cannot keep up with technological changes, so they are unable to provide any valuable and practical suggestions when we have troubles with such changes. Take myself for example. I am very interested in playing video games, and I think I can learn something from them. But my grandfather consider video games as drugs, he wanted me to quit playing. Of course I do not follow what he said, because he had never played it and he did not know how can it benefit me. I learn some English by playing video games, and it is also my favorite stress reliever. Although our grandparents are out-of-data in some ways, they can still be our teachers in many other ways like how to live our lives. My grandfather taught much about how to cooperate with others. Once I played basketball with some strangers, and they did not pass ball to me. I could not understand why they do not trust me, and I asked my grandfather for advice. He told me that I should pass the ball to them first. I suddenly realized that they did not trust me because I did not trust them either, so I was supposed to send them a friendly message by showing my trust to them. No one can always right, and so do our grandparents, but we should still pay attention to what they suggest, for they are much more experienced and knowledgeable than us in many aspects. It would be rigid to say that their advice is no longer useful at all.
Success is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
desirable for every one of us, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from our family members are
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
references on our ways to it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is no longer useful for the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is an overstatement. Although our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
precious experiences for us to learn.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
usually
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are unable to provide any valuable and practical suggestions when we have troubles with such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. Take myself
for example
. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in playing video games, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I can learn something from them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
my grandfather consider video games as drugs, he wanted me to quit playing. Of
The comma is probably missing here: "course, I".
course I
do not follow what he said,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had never played
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
he did not know how can it benefit me. I learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
English by playing video games, and it is
also
my favorite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever.

Although our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are out-of-data in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, they can
still
be our teachers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways like how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. My grandfather taught much about how to cooperate with others. Once I played basketball with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strangers, and they did not pass ball to me. I could not understand why they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trust
me, and I asked my grandfather for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that I should pass the ball to them
first
. I
suddenly
realized that they did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trust
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trust
them either,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
was supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them a friendly message by showing my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trust
to them.

No one can always right, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
still
pay attention to what they suggest, for they are much more experienced and knowledgeable than us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. It would be rigid to say that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
is no longer useful at all.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay The advice from our grandparents is no longer useful, for the world has changed so much during the past 50 years. v. 740

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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