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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Leaders must pay attention to the advice and opinions of other people. v.732

Leaders must pay attention to the advice and opinions of other people. v. 732
In any constitution or group of people gathered for a specific purpose some people would take the responsibility of being the leader of others. Although they have the authority to make final decisions and govern others, it would be profitable for the whole group provided the leader takes others’ recommendations into deep consideration. The following essay deals with the reasons supporting this point of view. Undoubtedly, it would be necessary that everyone in the group conduct their duties due to the path determined by the leader and do not deviate or violate the crucial requirements and restrictions. Since, all the members of the group should cooperate and be congenial and commitment to the ideal goal of the group to be able to achieve their ambition. Furthermore, when the leader has not the capability of enforcing rules and obligations to control others, there would be the possibility of destruction of the group. For instance, once there are discrepancies between notions and ideas of the members, there would be the necessity of some regulations to harness the controversial arguments. However, the leader should benefit from others’ effective thinking and advices to provide a more competitive and prosperous environment. One reason is that when the manager pays attention to employees’ voice and desires, ensures thriving and more productivity for the corporation. Since, it not only brings the staffs the feeling of honor and self-confidence, but also contributes to high enthusiasm and motivation among them for a better working. Another reason is that according to the fact that it would be beyond the strength of one person to carry out and manage the whole aspects of a career, the demand for others’ help would be inevitable. Obviously, the leader requires to consult with other people who are expert in specific fields and to take advantage of their proficient skills and experiments. And consequently, he can draw the best conclusions and supervise the whole group based on the elected ideas. Finally, it can be concluded that besides the fact that it would be the leader who takes the final decisions, as hided in the meaning of the word “leader”, he would have the responsibility to consider all the reasonable ideas and experiences of others and lead the group according to the best suggestions.
In any constitution or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gathered for a specific purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would take the responsibility of being the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
of others. Although they have the authority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
final decisions and govern others, it would be profitable for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
provided the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
takes others’ recommendations into deep consideration. The following essay deals with the reasons supporting this point of view.

Undoubtedly
, it would be necessary that everyone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
conduct their duties due to the path determined by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
and do not deviate or violate the crucial requirements and restrictions. Since, all the members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
should cooperate and be congenial and commitment to the ideal goal of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
to be able to achieve their ambition.
Furthermore
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
has not the capability of enforcing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and obligations to control others, there would be the possibility of destruction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
For instance
, once there are discrepancies between notions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of the members, there would be the necessity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulations to harness the controversial arguments.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
should benefit from others’ effective thinking and advices to provide a more competitive and prosperous environment. One reason is that when the manager pays attention to employees’ voice and desires, ensures thriving and more productivity for the corporation. Since, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings the staffs the feeling of honor and self-confidence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contributes to high enthusiasm and motivation among them for a better working. Another reason is that according to the fact that it would be beyond the strength of one person to carry out and manage the whole aspects of a career, the demand for others’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
would be inevitable.
Obviously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
requires
Did you mean "consulting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to consult
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are expert in specific fields and to take advantage of their proficient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experiments. And
consequently
, he can draw the best conclusions and supervise the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
based on the elected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

Finally
, it can
be concluded
that
besides
the fact that it would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
who takes the final decisions, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hided
in the meaning of the word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“leader”
, he would have the responsibility to consider all the reasonable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and experiences of others and lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
according to the best suggestions.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Leaders must pay attention to the advice and opinions of other people. v. 732

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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