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Some people think that there should be some controls about noise Others think they could just make as much noise as they want Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that there should be some controls about noise Others think they could just make as much noise as they want 2
It is widely believed that there should be some strict controls about noise. However, others claim that they could just make as much noise as they want. As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the first viewpoint. And my reasons will be given out in this essay. First of all, it can be said with certainty that noise is directly impact on health’s people. The key explanation is possibly because some people report that they can not sleep at night because of constant noise from a nearby industrial zone. That makes people feel tired and do not have enough energy to work on next morning. If that situation last for a long time, it will lead to a deterioration in their mental and physical health. Second of all, a special consideration in this case is that result of work is not effective. The main basis is probably because some workers can not fully concentrate on their tasks because of instructive sounds from vehicles in the street. Thus, is there are not essential measures, the productivity of work may be reduce as a consequence os noise. In contrast, it must be admitted that many of them feel relax and more comfortable when creating noise form different activities while working or entertaining. For example, they usually turn the volume louder when they listen to the music even thought that can disturb their next-door neighbors. In addition, they said that urban citizen is get used to noising. Noise is a part of modernization process so they feel that there are no particular reasons to control noise. Taking everything into consideration, people have to weigh up on their thoughts to what extent this issue should be supported. However, the discussion are convincing enough to lead me to the conclusion that there should be some solutions to reduce noise.
It is
widely
believed that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict controls about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
However
, others claim that they could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want. As far as I
am concerned
, I am in favor of the
first
viewpoint. And my reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
out in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can
be said
with certainty that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is
directly
impact on health’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The key explanation is
possibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
report that they can not sleep at night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from a nearby industrial zone. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel tired and do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy to work on
next
morning. If that situation last for a long time, it will lead to a deterioration in their mental and physical health.

Second of all, a special consideration
in this case
is that result of work is not effective. The main basis is
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers can not
fully
concentrate on their tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of instructive sounds from vehicles in the street.
Thus
, is there are not essential measures, the productivity of work may be
Consider using the past participle "reduced"?
reduce
as a consequence
Possible spelling mistake found.
os
noise.

In contrast
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them feel relax and more comfortable when creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
form
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities while working or entertaining.
For example
, they
usually
turn the volume louder when they listen to the music even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that can disturb their
next
-door neighbors.
In addition
, they said that urban citizen is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to noising.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Noise
is a part of modernization process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they feel that there are no particular reasons to control noise.

Taking everything into consideration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
weigh up on their thoughts to what extent this issue should
be supported
.
However
, the discussion are convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to lead me to the conclusion that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that there should be some controls about noise Others think they could just make as much noise as they want 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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