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Traffic and housing problem in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside To what extend do you agree or disagree v.2

Traffic and housing problem in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside v. 2
Concerning the matter of moving large companies and factories and theirs employees to the countryside, it believed that traffic and housing problem in major cities could be solved. As far as I am concerned, I do partially agree with the statement for several reasons which will be given out in this essay. First of all, it can be said with certainty that relocating large companies and their employees to the countryside would help tackle the traffic jam problem. The key explanation is possibly because each big-size company may have thousands of staff members. They go to work and their children go to school during the rush hours. That lead to unbearable traffic congestion. Second of all, a special consideration in this case is that moving to rural areas would help resolved the housing scarcity problem. The main basis is probably because at present, immigrants rush to cities and work in big factories so overpopulation make housing higher and higher. Moreover, high housing prices are caused not only by overpopulation but also real estate business and individuals also keep raising prices for profits. In contrast, it must be admitted that settling in countryside would not solved the problem of traffic congestion. Most people would agree that medium-size and small-size enterprises would have a chance to expand so it is attracted more and more workers to return to urban areas. Besides, government could not solve housing scacrity since rural residents still rush to cities and willing to work in factories of any size provided that they find a job. Taking everything into consideration, people have to weigh up in their thoughts to what extent this issue should be supported. However, the discussions are convincing enough to lead me to the conclusion that moving to rural areas is a good choice.
Concerning the matter of moving large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories and theirs employees to the countryside, it believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and housing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in major cities could
be solved
. As far as I
am concerned
, I do
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement for several reasons which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
out in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can
be said
with certainty that relocating large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and their employees to the countryside would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The key explanation is
possibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
-size
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
may have thousands of staff members. They go to work and their children go to school during the rush hours. That lead to unbearable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion.

Second of all, a special consideration
in this case
is that moving to rural areas would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
resolved the housing scarcity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The main basis is
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at present, immigrants rush to cities and work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
overpopulation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
housing higher and higher.
Moreover
, high housing prices
are caused
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by overpopulation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
real estate business and individuals
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
raising prices for profits.

In contrast
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that settling in countryside would not
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "solve"
solved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that medium-size and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-size enterprises would have a chance to expand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is attracted
more and more workers to return to urban areas.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could not solve housing
Possible spelling mistake found.
scacrity
since rural residents
still
rush to cities and willing to work in factories of any size provided that they find a job.

Taking everything into consideration,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
weigh up in their thoughts to what extent this issue should
be supported
.
However
, the discussions are convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to lead me to the conclusion that moving to rural areas is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Traffic and housing problem in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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