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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes v.375

Parents should allow children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes v. 375
In the fast growing world, Education is the primary skill to be successful. Moreover, this growth is forcing every parent to be a more responsible parent, for their children. The way, in which people thinks about the education differs. Some believe their kids learning a multiple variety of books is important and on the other hand, some think, having a range of different skill sets, may increase their success rates. In my opinion, I believe range of subjects can give you more domain knowledge, while on the other case, learning skills can make them a better person in their real life, thereby enhancing the ability to stand independently in the society. On one hand, learning a wide collection of books and themes, could improve your technical skills. Additionally, if a person is interested in learning a lot of books he could go for this option. Moreover, you can be gaining lots of knowledge in multiple areas. For example, a person who has studied a wide range of subjects, will be in upfront than the person who have studied only limited subjects in a curriculum. On the other hand, Every student, who is studying in the school, should be taught some additional skills other than the normal syllabus. This in turn improves the self confidence in oneself. For instance, in this competitive world, a person may not attain a job, for the course he got certified. But if he knows any of the additional soft skills, he would be getting an option to start his own business. To conclude, In my opinion, I feel learning and gaining enormous amount of content in the study plan can help in improving the careers. But on the other hand, learning soft skills along with this will make him an all rounder.
In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing world, Education is the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to be successful.
Moreover
, this growth is forcing every parent to be a more responsible parent, for their children. The way, in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
about the education differs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe their kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a multiple variety of books is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, having a range of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
sets, may increase their success rates. In my opinion, I believe range of subjects can give you more domain knowledge, while on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in their real life, thereby enhancing the ability to stand
independently
in the society.

On one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a wide collection of books and themes, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Additionally
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
books he could go for this option.
Moreover
, you can be gaining lots of knowledge in multiple areas.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who has studied a wide range of subjects, will be in
Use "(upfront)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
upfront
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who have studied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited subjects in a curriculum.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, Every student, who is studying in the school, should
be taught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than the normal syllabus. This in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
in oneself.
For instance
, in this competitive world, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
may not attain a job, for the course he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
certified.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if he knows any of the additional soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, he would be getting an option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.

To conclude
, In my opinion, I feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and gaining enormous amount of content in the study plan can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in improving the careers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
along with this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him an
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
all rounder
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Parents should allow children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes v. 375

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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