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TPO 14 - Question 2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the best ways to learn is by making mistakes. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v.1

TPO 14 - Question 2 One of the best ways to learn is by making mistakes. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 1
We live in an age when many of us use modern technology which allows to access any information, and this technology also can be used for exchanging information rapidly. But there is a question, How are our societies affected by these improvements? . One problem which is unacceptable is access to our personal data. The other important problem can be sharing the government privacy documents. In this essay these problems will be discussed. One of the biggest problems of modern technology is that all of our personal information are on the internet. And a person who knows how to hack and get this information can learn them, and attempt to use them. For instance, if a foreign person, who got all our bank account information such as passwords, bank card number and so on, they are able to use them if they want, as far as the limit of the card is enough, this person can buy anything he/she needs. Despite police officers, he/she can do anything using our information in an official way. Consequently, we should pay attention to these kind of problems, otherwise we can be guilty. Second and foremost problem is that knowing privacy documents of the government. This is the biggest problem of the system. If these documents are shared by someone with other countries, the government can be under super danger. For example, let’s think that military projects of any government are known by rival countries, one of rival countries can use them against the management. Moreover, these projects can be invented by rivals before the government. Even if it understood this matter, there can be nothing to do about this situation. Therefore, the administration should keep these problems in mind all the time. In summary, technology has been growing and much information about us has been shared by our hands or anyone else. My own view on the matter is, we should keep in mind every time and we should pay attention to sharing something important to us.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an age when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to access any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for exchanging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
rapidly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is a question, How are our societies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these improvements?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which is unacceptable is access to our personal data. The other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can be sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
privacy documents. In this essay these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
will
be discussed
.

One of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is that all of our personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
are on the internet. And a person who knows how to hack and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can learn them, and attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
For instance
, if a foreign person, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
all our bank account
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as passwords, bank card number and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them if they want, as far as the limit of the card is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, this person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything he/she needs. Despite police officers, he/she can do anything using our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
Consider replacing "in an official way" with the adverb for "official"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an official way
.
Consequently
, we should pay attention to
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
otherwise
we can be guilty.

Second and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that knowing privacy documents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. This is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of the system. If these documents
are shared
by someone with other countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can be under super
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that military projects of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are known
by rival countries, one of rival countries can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them against the management.
Moreover
, these projects can
be invented
by rivals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Even if it understood this matter, there can be nothing to do about this situation.
Therefore
, the administration should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in mind all the time.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been growing and much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about us has
been shared
by our hands or anyone else. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view on the matter is, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
we should pay attention to sharing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to us.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay TPO 14 - Question 2 One of the best ways to learn is by making mistakes. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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