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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Hi, Please check my essay, many Thanks v.686

Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Hi, Please check my essay, many Thanks v. 686
Although many people encourage their children to watch T. V advertisement in order to help them feel happy I do strongly disagree with watching advertisement by children. I believe that they may create some problems for children because of three reasons: young children become addicted to it, they are not mature enough to distinguish between what they really need and what is useless for them, and sometimes advertisements arise some thought in children’s mind which is not proper for sure. Doubtless, the habits and the behaviors of children develop during their early years. Just imagine how a bad addiction which is formed during your childhood may harm your life. For instance if you have addicted to watch T. V programs all day long in the past now it will be very difficult for you to change it. This is what happens for children; while they watch advertisement they become used to them as a result they become more interested in watching T. V programs which is not desirable at all. One should always remember that companies want to make money; they advertise a product even if it is not proper enough. They use different strategies in order to convince us to buy their products. An example from my own life may shed some light on this point; I remember the time when I was 5 years old and a T. V advertisement about a useless doll was shown on T. V repeatedly. I was insisting on buying that doll; actually I had the same at home but I was not able to distinguish between these two similar products. Consider the point from another angle, T. V advertisement wants to encourage more audiences to watch them. They may use some words, or some unappealing stuff to make their advertisements more exciting. This is actually not proper for young children. For instance, they may ask you about various questions which you could not actually answer. To put it in a nut shell, it is obvious that advertising directed toward young children is very harmful for them. It may create some bad habits in which are hard to change in the future. They are not mature enough to make decision about what they really need, and companies want to excite their audiences by showing some issues that may hurt young children. Also raise some questions in their mind which is very harmful So does not seem asking our children to play instead of just watching T. V in order to assist them improve their knowledge, and boost their creativity is more beneficial?
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
T. V
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them feel happy I do
strongly
disagree with watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I believe that they may create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of three reasons:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become addicted to it, they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to distinguish between what they
really
need and what is useless for them, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
arise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mind which is not proper for sure.

Doubtless, the habits and the behaviors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop during their early years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine how a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
addiction which
is formed
during your childhood may harm your life.
For instance
if you have addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
T. V programs all day long in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it. This is what happens for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
; while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
they become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to them
as a result
they become more interested in watching T. V programs which is not desirable at all.

One should always remember that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money; they advertise a product even if it is not proper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies in order to convince us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their products. An example from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life may shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this point; I remember the time when I was 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and a T. V
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
about a useless doll
was shown
on T. V
repeatedly
. I was insisting on buying that doll; actually I had the same at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was not able to distinguish between these two similar products.

Consider the point from another angle, T. V
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
wants to encourage more audiences to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
them. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unappealing stuff to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
more exciting. This is actually not proper for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, they may ask you about various questions which you could not actually answer.

To put it in a nut shell, it is obvious that advertising directed toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for them. It may create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the future. They are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decision about what they
really
need, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want to excite their audiences by showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues that may hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Also
raise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
questions in their mind which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
does not seem asking our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
watching T. V in order to assist them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge, and boost their creativity is more beneficial?
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Hi, Please check my essay, many Thanks v. 686

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
429 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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