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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefits more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v.678

People benefits more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 678
As some people may take the view that the traveling overseas is beneficial; however, others may take an opposite viewpoint and believe that journey inside the home country is better than international traveling. I personally agree with the second belief. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons which persuade me to put forward this perspective. The first reason which gives adherence to my outlook is that the traveling in the own country in cost effective. It is lucidly obvious that any travel requires the specific amount of expense, which in the case that the schedule of travel covers the foreign country trip, that cost will be at least duplicate. However, if the people’s aim of a journey solely is relaxation, they can prepare this demand in their country with a cheaper expense. A vivid example can be given to shed a light on the subject is my brother' s example. Last month he planned to take a trip to take rid of his hectic life and meditate. He got aware about the various tours in or out of the country and compares their costs. Finally, he decided to take the trip to the north of Iran, where has the mild weather with fantastic sight-seeing. He took that trip merely with the one tenth of cost which is required for the foreign country trip. The second case embraced my idea is that this travel furnishes the better information about the people' s home country. Despite this fact which the whole cities in a specific country are controlled with the unique role, there is a list of differences, such as the cultural or ethnic variation, among the cities. Thus, based on these differences it is a sound idea to get familiar with their own country at first. Since if an individual does have an insufficient background about his or her own country, the information about the foreign countries is useless or meaningless. The last indicator of my viewpoint' s accuracy is that this type of travel can be considered as a financial benefit for the country. It is explicit as a crystal that whole expenses mentioned in the first body paragraph are the investment in that particular place, which boost its financial status and supplies to flourish its facilities and makes it more attractive. As a result, it a wise idea to invest that money in the home country. According to the noteworthy, intelligent statistic revealed from my country, approximately sixty-nine percent of the economic adherence of the touristic location in Iran are prepared from those cities' touristic income. To wrap it up, based on the all aforementioned reasons one can logically draw the conclusion that it is advantageous for the people to take a trip in their own country to expand less money, get familiar with the culture of their country, and provide the financial support for their country' s development.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may take the view that the traveling overseas is beneficial;
however
, others may take an opposite viewpoint and believe that journey inside the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is better than international traveling. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second belief. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons which persuade me to put forward this perspective.

The
first
reason which gives adherence to my outlook is that the traveling in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
effective. It is
lucidly
obvious that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
requires the specific amount of expense, which in the case that the schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
covers the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
will be at least duplicate.
However
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
aim of a journey
solely
is relaxation, they can prepare this demand in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a cheaper expense. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed a light on the subject is my
Possible spelling mistake found.
brother&
#039; s example. Last month he planned to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to take rid of his hectic life and meditate. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
aware about the various tours in or out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and compares their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
.
Finally
, he decided to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
to the north of Iran, where has the mild weather with fantastic sight-seeing. He took that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
merely
with the one tenth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
which
is required
for the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
trip.

The second case embraced my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
furnishes the better information about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Despite this fact which the whole cities in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are controlled
with the unique role, there is a list of differences, such as the cultural or ethnic variation, among the cities.
Thus
, based on these differences it is a sound
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
at
first
. Since if an individual does have an insufficient background about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the information about the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is useless or meaningless.

The last indicator of my
Possible spelling mistake found.
viewpoint&
#039; s accuracy is that this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
can
be considered
as a financial benefit for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is explicit as a crystal that whole expenses mentioned in the
first
body paragraph are the investment in that particular place, which boost its financial status and supplies to flourish its facilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more attractive.
As a result
,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to invest that money in the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. According to the noteworthy, intelligent statistic revealed from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, approximately sixty-nine percent of the economic adherence of the touristic location in Iran
are prepared
from those
Possible spelling mistake found.
cities&
#039; touristic income.

To wrap it up, based on the all aforementioned reasons one can
logically
draw the conclusion that it is advantageous for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to expand less money,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with the culture of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and provide the financial support for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay People benefits more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. v. 678

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
485 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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