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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v.674

Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v. 674
< span style=" font-size: 19. 36px; " > Unfortunately, in todays society, many people believe that how much you earn tells how successful you are. How do people tell? They look at the clothes you wear, the cars you drive, and more. But I believe money is only one way of being successful. There are many other ways to achieve success. One way you can be success is by helping other people. Like Malala Yousafzai. As a younger girl in Pakistan, she was shot in the face for defying authority and going to school. After her recovery, she went on to fight for the rights of other girls to go to school and became a humanitarian. I think she is very successful. Another way you can be successful is by changing your community. My friend’s father is a veteran and so wanted to help other veterans. He was very active in his community and did a lot of things to help make life better for other veterans. By his actions he encouraged other people to also help veterans, and people began to care more about taking care of veterans as a result. A third way to be successful without money is to earn university degree. For example, I was first person in my family to earn a degree in the United States. My parents moved here when I was very small hoping to offer me and my brother a better life. They sacrificed much things in order to give us opportunity. I really appreciate all the things they did to make it possible for us to go to university. As you can see, earning a lot of money is not the only way to earn success. < /span> < br>
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; Unfortunately, in
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todays
society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that how much you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
you are. How do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
? They look at the clothes you wear, the cars you drive, and more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one way of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to achieve success.

One way you can be success is by helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Like Malala Yousafzai. As a younger girl in Pakistan, she
was shot
in the face for defying authority and going to school. After her recovery, she went on to fight for the rights of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
girls to go to school and became a humanitarian. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
she is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful.

Another way you can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
is by changing your community. My friend’s father is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
veteran
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
veterans
. He was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active in his community and did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
veterans
. By his actions he encouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
veterans
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
began to care more about taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
veterans
as a result
.

A third way to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
without money is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
university degree.
For example
, I was
first
person in my family to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a degree in the United States. My parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
here when I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
hoping to offer me and my brother a better life. They sacrificed
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
things in order to give us opportunity. I
really
appreciate all the things they did to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible for us to go to university.

As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
success.
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; /
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;
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&lt
;
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;
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v. 674

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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