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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. v.2

: Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. v. 2
Nowadays, it is a universal truth that virtually everybody would like to be a successful person. This is because success is associated with recognition by society, status, money, and happiness. Although many people may think that success depends on how much money you make, I disagree with this idea for several reasons in which I will elaborate on in this essay. First and foremost, I believe success is related to many factors, and not just with money. One of the most important factors may be how much you have achieved in your life. Stated that, we can say that success is a subjective concept. We cannot compare two individuals that have reached the same position, but that they come from different backgrounds. For instance, let' s suppose that two prestigious cardiologists want to compare their success. One cardiologist come from a low-income family, and the other comes from a well-known, wealthy family of doctors in which studying medicine has been a tradition, and one more step in life. Of course, we can say that despite both professionals are in the same job position, the one who has humble origins has had to surpass more obstacles in life than the second, and that his life has been more successful. In addition, another important factor in which is based success is self-satisfaction. Without a doubt, everyone has different priorities in life. Some people are money-focused, so they will work assiduously in order to make as much money as they can. Others are more people-oriented, and they will be concerned about developing healthy relationships with their family and friends. And probably for the minority, their focus could be to obey the God commandments. Obviously, these three groups of people mentioned would deem their success based on what they consider important, and what makes them happy. For instance, a young engineer who wants to be rich and for that, he creates a lucrative software company which, fortunately, generates high profit in its early years, there is no doubt that this person would consider himself successful. However, if your focus is not money, but being a good person: generous, kind, and a devout Catholic, you will not admire that engineer who thinks that he is successful, and his money will not be important at all for you. The center of your attention will be your relationship with God, and you will base your success according to spiritual standards. In summary, from my point of view, success is not related to money, but on what you have done in your life and how content you are with your actions.
Nowadays, it is a universal truth that
virtually
everybody would like to be a successful person. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is associated
with recognition by society, status,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and happiness. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
depends on how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
, I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for several reasons in which I will elaborate on in this essay.

First
and foremost, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is related
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors, and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. One of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factors may be how much you have achieved in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Stated that, we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is a subjective concept. We cannot compare two individuals that have reached the same position,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
let&
#039; s suppose that two prestigious cardiologists want to compare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. One cardiologist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a low-income family, and the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a well-known, wealthy family of doctors in which studying medicine has been a tradition, and one more step in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Of course
, we can say that despite both professionals are in the same job position, the one who has humble origins has had to surpass more obstacles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than the second, and that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has been more successful.

In addition
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factor in which
is based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is self-satisfaction. Without a doubt, everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
priorities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are money-focused,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will work
assiduously
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they can. Others are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
-oriented, and they will
be concerned
about developing healthy relationships with their family and friends. And
probably
for the minority, their focus could be to obey the God commandments.
Obviously
, these three groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mentioned would deem their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
based on what they consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, and what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy.
For instance
, a young engineer who wants to be rich and for that, he creates a lucrative software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which,
fortunately
, generates high profit in its early years, there is no doubt that this person would consider himself successful.
However
, if your focus is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person: generous, kind, and a devout Catholic, you will not admire that engineer who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that he is successful, and his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
at all for you. The center of your attention will be your relationship with God, and you will base your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
according to spiritual standards.

In summary, from my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on what you have done in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and how content you are with your actions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay : Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
433 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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