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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v.235

Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v. 235
It is commonplace in various parts of the world that an increasing number of people prefer to live in metropolitan areas for higher living standards. However, along with that, there emerge manifold problems that adversely affect such people in their diurnal life; and drastic measures should be taken to mitigate the consequences of such problems. One of the most conspicuous issues is overpopulation. Owing to the presence of numerous welfare merits regarding education, medical care and business in large cities, a vast number of people choose to migrate from rural areas to more developed ones, a trend that is also known as urbanization. This trend causes urban areas to become increasingly populated and, as a result, a great number of issues therefrom are provoked, such as homelessness, traffic congestion, and higher crime rates. To combat those challenges, governments should consider long-term strategies to move city residents to less packed locations. A feasible option is to either build new satellite towns or enlarge metropolises by merging them with the suburbs or contiguous cities and relocate some universities, recreational centers, shopping malls, sports centers, and low-cost residential neighborhoods to such areas. Another deleterious feature that surrounds city dwellers is air pollution. This primarily derives from their domestic activities that continually introduce harmful contaminants into the air, indirectly causing a range of respiratory health problems. For example, in keeping with the substantial numbers of citizens in cities, there remains the excessive use of private vehicles, whereby emissions are extensively released into the atmosphere. To tackle this, there should be improvements in public transport systems to encourage more people to use it. In addition, it is essential that more trees be planted to absorb carbon dioxide and filter the air. To conclude, notwithstanding the undeniable benefits that city life offers, city dwellers are encountering various troubles. Accordingly, governments need to take action to address them.
It is commonplace in various parts of the world that an increasing
number
of
people
prefer to
live
in metropolitan areas for higher living standards.
However
, along with that, there emerge manifold problems that
adversely
affect such
people
in their diurnal life; and drastic measures should
be taken
to mitigate the consequences of such problems.

One of the most conspicuous issues is overpopulation. Owing to the presence of numerous welfare merits regarding education, medical care and business in large
cities
, a vast
number
of
people
choose to migrate from rural areas to more developed ones, a trend
that is
also
known as urbanization. This trend causes urban areas to become
increasingly
populated and,
as a result
, a great
number
of issues therefrom
are provoked
, such as homelessness, traffic congestion, and higher crime rates. To combat those challenges,
governments
should consider long-term strategies to
move
city residents to less packed locations. A feasible option is to either build new satellite towns or enlarge metropolises by merging them with the suburbs or contiguous
cities
and relocate
some
universities, recreational centers, shopping malls, sports centers, and low-cost residential neighborhoods to such areas.

Another deleterious feature that surrounds city dwellers is air pollution. This
primarily
derives from their domestic activities that
continually
introduce harmful contaminants into the air,
indirectly
causing a range of respiratory health problems.
For example
, in keeping with the substantial
numbers
of citizens in
cities
, there remains the excessive
use
of private vehicles, whereby emissions are
extensively
released into the atmosphere. To tackle this, there should be improvements in public transport systems to encourage more
people
to
use
it.
In addition
, it is essential that more trees
be planted
to absorb carbon dioxide and filter the air.

To conclude
, notwithstanding the undeniable benefits that city life offers, city dwellers are encountering various troubles.
Accordingly
,
governments
need to take action to address them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Success is defined by the amount of money someone earns. Use examples and reasons to support your position. v. 235

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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