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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v.66

It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v. 66
Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. Do you agree or disagree? Many people think youth is less taught medical issues in schools. However, the government introduced some projects about this issue. I fully disagree with this view and believe that young people are given the opportunity to take healthiness lessons by educational institutions. Health education has become a fundamental subject in schools, which is required by young people. Governments those emphasize often the importance of healthy society make basic health education mandatory in the curriculum. For example, The Ministry of Health of Turkey added a class which is mandatory and required to be taken by all youngsters in 2016. Furthermore, that Ministry appointed physicians to all schools across the country, who give regular health-related lessons to the youth. Besides these advancements implemented in favour of a wealthy society, the government, in 2018, created an online, educational portal which youngsters can benefit from wherever they are. For instance, the portal offers the requirements of being healthy and provides them with online lessons given by physicians. According to official statistics, about 3 million students from elementary and high school attended these lessons online. In conclusion, although many people believe that a knowledge of health-related issues are not enough taught in educational institutions, I fully disagree with this belief and think that the administrators took remarkable steps to educate teenagers about medical topics. In my opinion, the government should promote and introduce better the projects, which contribute to improving the awareness of health, to families so that they do not say that that education is not enough.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to teach young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree?

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
youth is less taught medical issues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
introduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects about this issue. I
fully
disagree with this view and believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to take healthiness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
by educational institutions.

Health education has become a fundamental subject in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, which
is required
by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
those emphasize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the importance of healthy society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education mandatory in the curriculum.
For example
, The Ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
of Turkey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
which is mandatory and required to
be taken
by all youngsters in 2016.
Furthermore
, that Ministry appointed physicians to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
across the country, who give regular health-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
to the youth.

Besides
these advancements implemented in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a wealthy society, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, in 2018, created an online, educational portal which youngsters can benefit from wherever they are.
For instance
, the portal offers the requirements of being healthy and provides them with online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by physicians. According to official statistics, about 3 million students from elementary and high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
attended these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
online.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a knowledge of health-related issues are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
taught in educational institutions, I
fully
disagree with this belief and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the administrators took remarkable steps to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
about medical topics. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should promote and introduce better the projects, which contribute to improving the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, to families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not say that that education is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v. 66

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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