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TPO 14 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v.2

TPO 14 – task 2: It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v. 2
We live in the era of technology in which traveling to foreign countries has become an indisputable part of our life. People travel to foreign countries for many reasons such as business, tourism, and adventure. Some individuals agree that people benefit more from traveling in their own country than from travelling to foreign countries; some others disagree. From my perspective, I oppose the statement based on two significant reasons. To begin with, people gain more experience and information from travelling to foreign countries. Visiting a place that is different in various aspects could be very eye-opening and instructive. The veracity of this claim can be evaluated through a meticulous observation on the mass of examples; almost all successful businesspersons such as Steve Jobs, Bill Gates used to travel to foreign countries in order to analyze the market, evaluate their business locally in other countries, and to expand their market their. By using the experience from these travels, a smart businessperson can make important decision in order to prosper his or her business. Moreover, people can learn about other cultures and increase their knowledge. For instance, in my first travel to India, I saw distinct lifestyles and customs, which were an excellent demonstration of their culture. That trip, although it was very short, was very useful and enriching for me. Beside the above-mentioned reason, traveling to foreign countries can help a country prosper economically. New technologies can be learnt and brought to the country when sophisticated and educated persons travel to foreign countries, which would be very beneficial for the developing countries. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was alluded to above. PhD students or employees working at R& D division of companies can register for a post-doc education and learn more about a new technology. When they come back to their country, numerous industries and research institutes can use the novel technology in order to expand their business. This would be very beneficial for developing countries. With the advent of new technology, many job opportunities in the industries would become available and the country would excel economically. Having discussed this issue from this point of view, I would rather to look at it from another viewpoint. Some argue that traveling in their own country aid them to know their own culture better. Indeed, people can help their society more if they get to know their compatriots and their demands better. If they focus on foreign countries, they may forget about their country and their people. All in all, although some sophisticated people may prove the otherwise, I am still against the statement. As I elaborated in the body paragraphs, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in which traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has become an indisputable part of our life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, tourism, and adventure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
benefit more from traveling in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
than from travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others disagree. From my perspective, I oppose the statement based on two significant reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain more experience and information from travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Visiting a place
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in various aspects could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
eye-opening and instructive. The veracity of this claim can
be evaluated
through a meticulous observation on the mass of examples; almost all successful businesspersons such as Steve Jobs, Bill Gates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to analyze the market, evaluate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
locally
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and to expand their market their. By using the experience from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
, a smart businessperson can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision in order to prosper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn about other cultures and increase their knowledge.
For instance
, in my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to India, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
distinct lifestyles and customs, which were an excellent demonstration of their culture. That trip, although it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short, was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful and enriching for me.

Beside the above-mentioned reason, traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
prosper
economically
. New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
and brought to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
when sophisticated and educated persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was alluded
to above.
The genitive is possibly missing.
PhD students
or employees working at
Possible spelling mistake found.
R&amp
; D division of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can register for a post-doc education and learn more about a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, numerous industries and research institutes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in order to expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. With the advent of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities in the industries would become available and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would excel
economically
.

Having discussed this issue from this point of view, I would
rather
to look at it from another viewpoint.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that traveling in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
aid them to know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture better.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their society more if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know their compatriots and their demands better. If they focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they may forget about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

All in all, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may prove the
otherwise
, I am
still
against the statement. As I elaborated in the body paragraphs, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay TPO 14 – task 2: It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
450 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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