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TPO 14 – task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v.1

TPO 14 – task 2: It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v. 1
It is true that many children have trouble paying attention in class at some point in their academic study. There are several reasons for this problem, but this situation should be addressed by teachers and governments. There are two main reasons why many young learners cannot focus on study in school. One reason is that the young child’s concentration problem may be a motivation problem. If what is being taught in class is not challenging or interesting enough, children will consider what they learn in class is practical can lose interest in the material and stop paying attention together. Furthermore, the appearance of high-tech gadgets such as smartphones, tablets, … plays a significant role in distracting students from studying. For example, digital devices have so many videogames, which are frequently updated puzzle, missions, and give rewards to keep children playing. As a result, many youngsters become addicted to those electronic devices, which prevent them from full acknowledgment the teachers’ instruction. Fortunately, several measures could be taken to prevent this problem. Firstly, the improvement in teaching is a necessity. Most children can concentrate on activities that are fun and intrinsically enjoyable. Teachers need to arrange classroom activities and choose teaching materials based on what learners are in favor of, for instance, using characters in cartoons in the class targeting young learners. Secondly, the intervention of governments can also make a difference. For example, in Britain, secondary schools are introducing strict bans on using smartphones in class; hence, students will not be disturbed unworthily while they are attending the class. In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons why students find it hard to focus at school, and appropriate steps need to be taken to tackle this problem, not only by teachers but also by the governments.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have trouble paying attention in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point in their academic study. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this situation should
be addressed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

There are two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young learners cannot focus on study in school. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the young child’s concentration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
may be a motivation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. If what is
being taught
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is not challenging or interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will consider what they learn in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is practical can lose interest in the material and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
paying attention together.
Furthermore
, the appearance of high-tech gadgets such as smartphones, tablets, … plays a significant role in distracting students from studying.
For example
, digital devices have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
, which are
frequently
updated puzzle, missions, and give rewards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters become addicted to those electronic devices, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from full acknowledgment the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
instruction.

Fortunately
, several measures could
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
, the improvement in teaching is a necessity. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can concentrate on activities that are fun and
intrinsically
enjoyable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
need to arrange classroom activities and choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to teach".
teaching
materials based on what learners are in favor of,
for instance
, using characters in cartoons in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
targeting young learners.
Secondly
, the intervention of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference.
For example
, in Britain, secondary schools are introducing strict bans on using smartphones in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
;
hence
, students will not
be disturbed
unworthily
while they are attending the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why students find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to focus at school, and appropriate steps need to
be taken
to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 14 – task 2: It is more beneficial to travel in your own country rather than traveling to foreign countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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