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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in sponsoring arts than in athletics (like state Olympics team). v.640

Governments should spend more money in sponsoring arts than in athletics (like state Olympics team). v. 640
A controversial debate which is often raised in every country is the amount of budget that government should consider for various fields. Some groups of people hold the view that government should spend more money on championships. However, the other groups may take an opposite point and believe that art and its related area are more important. From my vantage point, I concur with the latter group and believe that arts in all types need to be invested more than athletics. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint through three major reasons among countless ones. The first exquisite point to be mentioned is that arts establish foundation of a society' s culture. In fact, people can present their feeling and emotions through arts which in long terms give a through picture of a society. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborate above is the numerous fine art museums in historical cities which hold famous art works of their artists such as paintings, statues and so on. Therefore, by spending more money on arts, more people can take advantage of art' s facilities to show their abilities. The second reason which deserves some words here is that spending money in arts is a profitable investment in spite of athletics which its achievements are temporarily. In other words, art has a high-standing place among people. But many of them can afford it with many difficulties such as high cost of tools, workshops and even exhibition galleries. Despite all problems they confront, they do their best to achieve their goals. On the other hands, athletics are usually well-paid and have many sponsors. But they usually cannot satisfy their fans. Although the aforementioned reasons are the first ones which cross the mind at first glance, they are by no means the only reasons available. In fact, there is another subtle point which must be borne in mind. The noteworthy refreshingly intelligible statistics, revealed by a recent social research conducted in our country, show that a significant percent of participated people think allocating budget to arts is more important that athletics. The study was done among 120 higher educated people from diverse field of studies except art and sports to reduce the effect of biasing. To wrap it up, contemplating all aforementioned reasons one soon realizes that governments should pay attention to arts financially more than athletics. If it goes in this way, we will soon witness a noticeable dawn of talented artists who improve the level of general culture of the country.
A controversial debate which is
often
raised in every country is the amount of budget that
government
should consider for various fields.
Some
groups of
people
hold the view that
government
should spend more money on championships.
However
, the other groups may take an opposite
point
and believe that
art
and its related area are more
important
. From my vantage
point
, I concur with the latter group and believe that
arts
in all types need to
be invested
more than athletics. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint through three major
reasons
among countless ones.

The
first
exquisite
point
to
be mentioned
is that
arts
establish foundation of a
society&
#039; s culture. In fact,
people
can present their feeling and emotions through
arts
which in long terms give a
through
picture of a society. A vivid example can be
given
to shed light on what was elaborate above is the numerous fine
art
museums in historical cities which hold
famous
art
works of their artists such as paintings, statues and
so
on.
Therefore
, by spending more money on
arts
, more
people
can take advantage of
art&
#039; s facilities to
show
their abilities.

The second
reason
which deserves
some
words here is that spending money in
arts
is a profitable investment
in spite of
athletics which its achievements are
temporarily
.
In other words
,
art
has a high-standing place among
people
.
But
many
of them can afford it with
many
difficulties such as high cost of tools, workshops and even exhibition galleries. Despite all problems they confront, they do their best to achieve their goals. On the other hands, athletics are
usually
well-paid and have
many
sponsors.
But
they
usually
cannot satisfy their fans.

Although the aforementioned
reasons
are the
first
ones which cross the mind at
first
glance, they are by no means the
only
reasons
available. In fact, there is another subtle
point
which
must
be borne
in mind. The noteworthy
refreshingly
intelligible statistics, revealed by
a recent social research
conducted in our country,
show
that a significant percent of participated
people
think
allocating budget to
arts
is more
important
that athletics. The study
was done
among 120 higher educated
people
from diverse field of studies except
art
and sports to
reduce
the effect of biasing.

To wrap it up, contemplating all aforementioned
reasons
one
soon
realizes that
governments
should pay attention to
arts
financially
more than athletics. If it goes in this way, we will
soon
witness a noticeable dawn of talented artists who
improve
the level of general culture of the country.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend more money in sponsoring arts than in athletics (like state Olympics team). v. 640

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
427 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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