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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in sponsoring arts than in athletics (like state Olympics team). v.206

Governments should spend more money in sponsoring arts than in athletics (like state Olympics team). v. 206
Nowadays, governments carry out and control most of scientific researches in the world instead of private companies. However, some people think, that private companies should take care and control of scientific researches. I agree with the point of that, government should supervise all the scientific researches. The private enterprises argues that interference of states to researches makes scientific progress much slower, but there are some dangers in this view. First of all, private corporations value their profits, and will try to manipulate with researches, sacrificing security policies of scientific researches leading to harm products. There have been many cases, which proves this danger, for example developing drugs or weapons. Second danger that could come is also hurrying that leads to uncontrollable situations, such as genetically modified people. Talking about governments, this need to be said that government has too many obligations. Controlling all the sectors, including scientific researches are hard and time consuming. Although, allocated resources of government might be insufficient, because states also funding other public spending. Firstly, researches carried out by government set high standard for their product. The government will consider all the nuances, and will test product several times in many different situations. For example, vaccines researching carried by government have a long period of testing, before production. Secondly, the government will prioritize researches, considering the needs of society and government itself. One example is the development of renewable energy to meet ecological issues. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the point of view, that government should take responsibility for all scientific research.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
carry out and control most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
in the world
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should take care and control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should supervise all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
researches.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
enterprises
You should probably use "argue".
argues
that interference of states to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "research".
researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
progress much slower,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
in this view.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
corporations value their profits, and will try to manipulate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
, sacrificing security policies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
leading to harm products. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, which proves this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
,
for example
developing drugs or weapons. Second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
is
also
hurrying that leads to uncontrollable situations, such as
genetically
modified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, this need to
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obligations. Controlling all the sectors, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
. Although, allocated resources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
might be insufficient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
states
also
funding other public spending.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
carried out by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
set high standard for their product. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will consider all the nuances, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
product several times in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations.
For example
, vaccines researching carried by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have a long period of testing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
production.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
, considering the needs of society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
itself. One example is the development of renewable energy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
ecological issues.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point of view, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take responsibility for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Governments should spend more money in sponsoring arts than in athletics (like state Olympics team). v. 206

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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