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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. Use specific reasons and e v.406

The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. Use specific reasons and e v. 406
Human beings have a long story of evolution, but some people still want to find ways of fast enrichment using illegal methods. First of all it concerns young population. In fact, it may be caused by the desire for easy profit or thrill. For people who started their lives with crimes, it would be very difficult to get a proper job or to live in society, so it is a problem that needs to be solved. In my opinion, the roots of the problem are flawed mindset, irresponsibility and a lack of work for immature employees. Generally, flawed mindset is acquired due to unfavourable milieu. For a person who lives in the criminal part of the town, it would be very easy to start acting up as well as selling drugs or doing other illegitimate activity. However, not only community’s impact spoils young people, but also unemployment in the region where they are living causing in a worse way, comparable to well employment region this one will demonstrate the worst criminal status. Indeed, there is a solution! Young people should be busy all the doing some projects or working, or studying. Schools have to find their interests and improve them, acquaint to culture or to sport. Government should produce new workplaces for immature people, for example, any internships or apprenticeships in hospitals, universities, schools. They will find an opportunity to grow and as a result this rate will be decreased. In addition, all this action contributes to the growth of the economy. In conclusion,
Human beings have a long story of evolution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
want to find ways of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
enrichment using illegal methods.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
it concerns young population. In fact, it may
be caused
by the desire for easy profit or thrill.

For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with crimes, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a proper job or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is a problem that needs to
be solved
. In my opinion, the roots of the problem
are flawed
mindset, irresponsibility and a lack of work for immature employees.

Generally
, flawed mindset
is acquired
due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
milieu. For a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the criminal part of the town, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
acting up
as well
as selling drugs or doing other illegitimate activity.
However
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
community’s impact spoils young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
unemployment in the region where they are living causing in a worse way, comparable to well employment region this one will demonstrate the worst criminal status.

Indeed
, there is a solution! Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be busy all the doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects or working, or studying. Schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find their interests and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them, acquaint to culture or to sport.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should produce new workplaces for immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
, any internships or apprenticeships in hospitals, universities, schools. They will find an opportunity to grow and
as a result
this rate will
be decreased
.
In addition
, all this action contributes to the growth of the economy.

In conclusion
,
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The ability to maintain friendships with a small number of people over a long period of time is more important for happiness than the ability to make many new friends easily. Use specific reasons and e v. 406

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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