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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement People care more about public recognition than about money Even if no more money is given public recognition can still make people work harder v.1

People care more about public recognition than about money Even if no more money is given public recognition can still make people work harder v. 1
Nowadays because of the improvement and popularity of social media, most of the people are eager to become a famous person because naturally humans like the fame. We know many people who do everything to become a famous person in different eras. Personally I consider myself among the group of people who think people care more about public recognition than about money. I feel this way because of some reasons which I will explore in the following essay: first of all, as I mentioned earlier, humans naturally like the fame because people like famous and well known people and they always follow their life and respect them. Most of the famous people are the role models of youth. Today due to the easy access to internet and consequently the social media, people spend most of their time on different platforms like tweeter, facebook or Instagram and because of this easy access, some people spend lots of time or even huge amount of money to become a famous person. For example, I have a friend who likes to be a well –known and famous influencer on the Instagram, he has done every thing that he can do and even he spend lots of money to find more followers and now after a long hard working he has more than 20K followers. In addition, I think another main reason that people work hard for their public recognition is that in future after sever efforts and after becoming a famous person, they could earn money from their fame. my friends who I talked about him above, now he is earning money via his page. Every day he has many offer from different companies to advertise their products. In fact he never though that one day he could achieve money from his fame and more than every things he just used to think about being a famous person that most of the people know and like him and now he received what he wants and he is a happy person, while if he did not work hard for that, he could not be a happy and satisfied person. To draw my conclusion, as I explained above, most of the people like the fame and actually all of us like to follow the news about the famous people and because of this natural desire, people put lots of effort and even they spend money to become a famous person because after that further than earning money from their fame people would respect them.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the improvement and popularity of social media, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are eager to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
naturally
humans like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
. We know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do everything to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
eras.
Personally
I consider myself among the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care more about public recognition than about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I feel this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which I will explore in the following essay:

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, as I mentioned earlier, humans
naturally
like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
and well known
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they always follow their life and respect them. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the role models of youth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
due to the easy access to internet and
consequently
the social media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their time on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
platforms like tweeter,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
or Instagram and
because of this
easy access,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
lots of time or even huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
For example
, I have a friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
likes to be a well –known and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
influencer on the Instagram, he has done every thing that he can do and even he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "spends", "spent".
spend
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to find more followers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
after a long
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
he has more than 20K followers.

In addition
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
another main reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for their public recognition is that in future after sever efforts and after becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, they could earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
I talked about him above,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
via his page. Every day he has
Possible agreement error. The noun offer seems to be countable; consider using: "many offers".
many offer
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to advertise their products. In
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, he".
fact he
never though that one day he could achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
and more than every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "thing"?
things
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know and like him and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he received what he
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wants and
he is a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, while if he did not work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for that, he could not be a happy and satisfied person.

To draw my conclusion, as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
and actually all of us like to follow the news about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
because of this
natural desire,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put lots of effort and even they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after that
further
than earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would respect them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay People care more about public recognition than about money Even if no more money is given public recognition can still make people work harder v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
418 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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