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Many people are using mobile phone and computers to communicate. Therefore, people are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people are using mobile phone and computers to communicate. Therefore, people are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. v. 1
There is no doubt that cities are becoming more populated everyday. While many argue that it is beneficial to live in a metropolitan, others think living in the countryside is better. I believe the advantages of living outside cities are more. This essay will discuss both sides. On the one hand, metropolitans are full of pollution like air, noise and water. This is because of the increasing traffic and industries. For instance, New Delhi's Air Quality Index is generally above 250, which is considered to be very harmful for anyone. Furthermore, in New Delhi one in eight children have Asthema. This is very concerning for the government and people living in cities like this. If we start living outside these towns, we will be protected from all this. As a result, we can live a healthy and long life. On the other hand, the countryside has safe local grown food unlike towns. The food in cities is mixed with preservatives and chemicals to increase their shelf life. Also, most of the crops grown are sprayed with pestisides to increase the yield for such a huge population. In contrast, people living in the countryside usually grow their own vegetables. Which is a more healthy and organic than produce sold in a city. In addition, metropolitans have alluring fast food chains. Which has become a necessity because of people's busy work schedule. These chains sell food that is generally weeks old. Which has a negative impact on our body. It can upset our stomach and kill healthy gut bacterias. To conclude, people are preferring to leave towns and live a healthy life in the countryside because of increasing pollution and population. I feel this trend is for the better, as unsafe food and air quality is impacting humans in unprecedented ways.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are becoming more populated
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that it is beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a metropolitan, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
is better. I believe the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are more. This essay will discuss both sides.

On the one hand, metropolitans are full of pollution like air, noise and water. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing traffic and industries.
For instance
, New Delhi's Air Quality Index is
generally
above 250, which
is considered
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for anyone.
Furthermore
, in New Delhi one in eight children have
Possible spelling mistake found.
Asthema
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
concerning for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
like this. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
outside these towns, we will
be protected
from all this.
As a result
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and long life.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
has safe local grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
unlike towns. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is mixed
with preservatives and chemicals to increase their shelf life.
Also
, most of the crops grown
are sprayed
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
pestisides
to increase the yield for such a huge population.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
usually
grow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vegetables. Which is a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and organic than produce sold in a city.
In addition
, metropolitans have alluring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
has become a necessity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's busy work schedule. These chains sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that is
generally
weeks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our body. It can upset our stomach and kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
gut
Possible spelling mistake found.
bacterias
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
towns and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing pollution and population. I feel this trend is for the better, as unsafe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and air quality is impacting humans in unprecedented ways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many people are using mobile phone and computers to communicate. Therefore, people are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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