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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending their classes should be optional for university students. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.592

Attending their classes should be optional for university students. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 592
Schools have changed a lot over the past few decades, and some of them are experimenting with new ideas about classroom attendance. Personally, I believe that it is still extremely important for students to be present for all of their classes. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, attending classes gives students opportunities to develop useful skills by participating in discussions and debates. Most university students are very opinionated, so they often engage in very lively discussions. Consequently, by actually going to their classes, students can develop public speaking skills and the ability to win people over. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a freshman I took an introductory political science seminar. The professor began each session by distributing an article about a controversial social issue. In addition, one student was selected to argue in favor of their position on the issue, and respond to questions from the rest of the class. After doing this for one year I became an extremely confident public speaker. These days I work in a fast-paced corporate environment, where I feel no anxiety when negotiating with new clients or when I have to convince them to accept a new contract. If I had not attended the aforementioned class I would not be thriving in my current career. Secondly, university classrooms provide chances to network with like-minded individuals we can work with later on. The unemployment rate has been quite high for most of the past decade, and as a result it is very difficult for even well-educated people to find jobs. However, many experts argue that the people we meet at university play a major role in our long-term professional success. For instance, my brother recently established a lucrative online business which has provided him with a substantial income. He co-founded the firm in a partnership with two like-minded peers that he met in a computer science class during his senior year. He is very proud of the degree he earned at school, but feels the deep connection which he formed with his classmates has been even more valuable. In my opinion, had he not attended that class he would not have had enough support to launch his own company. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is very beneficial for students to attend all of their classes. This is because it helps them to perfect their communication skills, and because it gives them opportunities to connect with possible business partners.
Schools have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot over the past few decades, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are experimenting with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about classroom attendance.
Personally
, I believe that it is
still
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be present for all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opportunities to develop useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by participating in discussions and debates. Most university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
opinionated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lively discussions.
Consequently
, by actually going to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can develop public speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and the ability to win
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I was a freshman I took an introductory political science seminar. The professor began each session by distributing an article about a controversial social issue.
In addition
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
was selected
to argue in favor of their position on the issue, and respond to questions from the rest of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. After doing this for one year I became an
extremely
confident public speaker. These days I work in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced corporate environment, where I feel no anxiety when negotiating with new clients or when I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
convince them to accept a new contract.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
I had not attended the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
I would not be thriving in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
career.

Secondly
, university classrooms provide chances to network with like-minded individuals we can work with later on. The unemployment rate has been quite high for most of the past decade, and
as a result
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for even well-educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to find jobs.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
at university play a major role in our long-term professional success.
For instance
, my brother recently established a lucrative online business which has provided him with a substantial income. He co-founded the firm in a partnership with two like-minded peers that he met in a computer science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
during his senior year. He is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
proud of the degree he earned at school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
feels the deep connection which he formed with his classmates has been even more valuable. In my opinion, had he not attended that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
he would not have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
support to launch his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to perfect their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them opportunities to connect with possible business partners.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Attending their classes should be optional for university students. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 592

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
425 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending their classes should be optional for university students. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.592