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Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it. How far go you agree with statement. v.2

Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it. How far go you agree with statement. v. 2
It is undeniable that healthcare is very important but it is can be very expensive. Many people think that government should try to prevent illness by different ways and making sure everyone in their country has a healthy lifestyle. In my opinion, I agree that preventing illness is better than curing it. On the one hand, the cost of medical treatment can be high so government have to think of ways to encourage people to be healthier. If people are healthy, they will not need medical care so often. Many diseases can be prevented such as obesity, back pain if people have healthy diets, take exercise and give up unhealthy habits such as smoking or eating more junk food. If people can not work or care their family or eve themselves due to illness, this will cost government and taxpayers a lot of money. So, I think that governments should spend money on producing information leaflets or advertising on the television which encourage people to follow healthy lifestyles such as eating plenty of fruit and vegetables, taking regular exercise and giving up smoking. In addition, governments should also reduce environment pollution because this can cause illness and health problems. On the other hand, having a healthy lifestyle cannot prevent all health problems. Cancer is a disease which are a result of livingin the modern world and which cannot be prevented by a healthy lifestyle. Besides, accidents from work or on the road will also cause injuries which need medical treatment. If governments focus mainly on prevention, there may be less money for urgent healthcare and many people could suffer. In conclusion, I believe that governments should prodice a balance of prevention and medical treatment, but their main focus should be on prevention rather than cure.
It is undeniable that healthcare is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways and making sure everyone in their country has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
is better than curing it.

On the one hand, the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment can be high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of ways to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be healthier. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, they will not need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
diseases can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
such as obesity, back pain if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diets, take exercise and give up unhealthy habits such as smoking or eating more junk food. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not work or care their family or eve themselves due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
, this will cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and taxpayers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend money on producing information leaflets or advertising on the television which encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
such as eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of fruit and vegetables, taking regular exercise and giving up smoking.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
environment pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
and health problems.

On the other hand
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
all health problems. Cancer is a disease which are a result of
Possible spelling mistake found.
livingin
the modern world and which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Besides
, accidents from work or on the road will
also
cause injuries which need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
focus
mainly
on prevention, there may be less money for urgent healthcare and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could suffer.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
prodice
a balance of prevention and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their main focus should be on prevention
rather
than cure.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it. How far go you agree with statement. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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