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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to buy a new technological device right away than to wait until others have adopted it. v.573

It is better to buy a new technological device right away than to wait until others have adopted it. v. 573
Nowadays, new technological devices are invented faster than before. As new products are produced, lots of customers try to buy it and get information about them. Furthermore, some people may state that buying a new technological device right away is better than waiting until people have adopted it, while others argues that there are some disadvantages for this behavior. In my opinion, I suggest that people do not need to buy a new technological device right away, they can wait until others adopted it. First of all, there are some problems may not appear yet until few months later, especially for some expensive devices. To illustrate, laptop is crucial for university students. When I were a student, I bought one Taiwanese brand laptop right away when it was invented. However, the battery of the laptop cannot be charged suddenly. I have to send the laptop back to the company and write the reason why they have to give me a new one for free. As a result. I regret about this and do not trust the first hand image anymore. Second, the price of the new technological device is too fast to drop and be replaced by other products immediately. For example, my sister buys iPhone ten when it was first sold in the store. Compare with her, I buy the same device after one year but the price drop to half of the original one. Finally, people can wait and observe the device until the price is stable. Third, people will share their previous experience of the device after few days and months. It is important for people to take a look about the reference. To be specific, as the new iPhone was invented, my best friend Amy who research on many different types of cellphone and device whether to buy it or not. It is an efficient way to observe the ability of the technological device and purchase the products economically. Definitely, some people may state that buying a technological device right away can get the first-hand information. Nevertheless, it spends more money than waiting the price to drop for a while. To conclude, it is unnecessary to purchase the products right away but instead waiting others to adopt it is more reasonable.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are invented
faster than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are produced
, lots of customers try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about them.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may state that buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
is better than waiting until
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have adopted it, while others argues that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for this behavior. In my opinion, I suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
, they can wait until others adopted it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems may not appear
yet
until few months later,
especially
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
is crucial for university students. When I
Did you mean "was"?
were
a student, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
one Taiwanese brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
when it
was invented
.
However
, the battery of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
cannot
be charged
suddenly
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
back to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and write the reason why they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one for free.
As a result
. I regret about this and do not trust the
'first hand' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "first-hand".
first hand
image anymore.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
to drop and
be replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
immediately.
For example
, my sister
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buys
iPhone ten when it was
first
sold in the store. Compare with her, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
after one year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
drop to half of the original one.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can wait and observe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
is stable.

Third,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will share their previous experience of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
after few days and months. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take a look about the reference. To be specific, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
iPhone
was invented
, my best friend Amy who research on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of cellphone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
whether to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it or not. It is an efficient way to observe the ability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
economically
.

Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may state that buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
first
-hand information.
Nevertheless
, it spends more money than waiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
to drop for a while.
To conclude
, it is unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
waiting others to adopt it is more reasonable.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to buy a new technological device right away than to wait until others have adopted it. v. 573

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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