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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to buy a new technological device right away than to wait until others have adopted it. v.147

It is better to buy a new technological device right away than to wait until others have adopted it. v. 147
People in the past used to eat organic food and work hard on the farms, therefore they used to be fit, however, these days people just go to work and that is how they spend their entire day. Living in today's world means a great deal of stress, which we have to tackle. As a matter of fact, being healthy is generally a combination of mind and physical activity due to staying fit and calm. It is important for people to pay attention to their health by their diet and exercise, so they can live longer and better. Firstly, there is a great amount of variation between lifestyles in different cities, but most people are very busy with their jobs and earning money, in a way that they do not have time to spend for themselves so routinely, people prefer to join their daily life to a workout, for example, they would rather walk to work instead of using cars or taxis. Therefore, not only they stay healthy due to exercising, furthermore, they will save money on fuel or transportation. Secondly, in this day and age people are coping with a fair amount of stressful issues in their lives, so exercising and finding some ways to become calmer and eating a great meal after a busy day seems essential. In my country, public take yoga or aerobic classes to get relaxed and happy and try to consume healthy food such as vegetables, and there are some individuals who do simple workouts when they get enough time at home. Of course with the topography we have in Iran mountain climbing is a popular sport which has a great effect on a body and mind. To summarize, it is undeniable that we need to exercise more and more than people needed in the past. Not only we will be happy and relax, but also, we will stay fit by physical training and appropriate diet. In different cities or countries, people have different lifestyles and as a result different ways of exercising and eating. In my country, people try not to waste time and use it on exercising and they try to avoid unhealthy food in order to stay healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat organic food and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on the farms,
therefore
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be fit
,
however
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
go to work and
that is
how they spend their entire day. Living in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world means a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
deal of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tackle. As a matter of fact, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is
generally
a combination of mind and physical activity due to staying fit and calm. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay attention to their health by their diet and exercise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and better.

Firstly
, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
amount of variation between lifestyles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy with their jobs and earning money, in a way that they do not have time to spend for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
routinely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their daily life to a workout,
for example
, they would
rather
walk to work
instead
of using cars or taxis.
Therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
,
furthermore
, they will save money on fuel or transportation.

Secondly
, in this day and age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are coping with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of stressful issues in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
and finding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to become calmer and eating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
meal after a busy day seems essential. In my country, public take yoga or aerobic classes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed and happy and try to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food such as vegetables, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals who do simple workouts when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time at home.
Of course
with the topography we have in Iran mountain climbing is a popular sport which has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
effect on a body and mind.

To summarize
, it is undeniable that we need to exercise more and more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
needed in the past. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we will be happy and relax,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, we will stay fit by physical training and appropriate diet. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cities or countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
lifestyles and
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
and eating. In my country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try not to waste time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exercising and
they try to avoid unhealthy food in order to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to buy a new technological device right away than to wait until others have adopted it. v. 147

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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