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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It is better to pursue a career that is similar to one of your parents careers than to pursue a career that is different from your parents careers v.2

It is better to pursue a career that is similar to one of your parents careers than to pursue a career that is different from your parents careers v. 2
It is crucial that kids have to search their careers after they graduate in university. Some people may state that pursuing a career which is similar to one of your parents is an efficient way to succeed while others argue that having different careers can help their kids develop completely. In my opinion, I suggest that pursuing a career is different from my parents is a better way to find the life target. First of all, if kids have totally different interests with their parents, it is hard to find a similar career. For example, my mom’s interest is mathematic, and she is good at counting. In contrast, I always failed in my math lessons. It is impossible that I will be a counter like her because we have totally different interests. Second, even children and parents choose different careers, they still have the chance to be a successful person. To illustrate, my neighbor Amy who is a famous piano player and her parents are both doctors. But Amy’s family respect her choice and now she is a successful musician. Third, having similar career will make me feel pressure because everyone try to compare me with my parents. To be specific, when I studied in university, one of the professors was my teacher’s good friend. He always cares about my scores and projects which make me so tired. This kind of things make me feel pressure and I do not to meet the professor anymore. Definitely, some people may state that having similar career will bring lots of advantages. For instance, we can get skills and experience from our parents. However, we should not rely on out parents to help us because we have to develop our own lives and careers. To conclude, I think it is unnecessary that have to pursue a similar career with our parents. They still can give us useful suggestions and share working experience together even if we have different careers.
It is crucial that kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
search their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
after they graduate in university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may state that pursuing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
to one of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is an efficient way to succeed while others argue that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their kids develop completely. In my opinion, I suggest that pursuing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is a better way to find the life target.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if kids have
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
interests with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
For example
, my mom’s interest is mathematic, and she is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at counting.
In contrast
, I always failed in my math lessons. It is impossible that I will be a counter like her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
interests.

Second, even children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
, they
still
have the chance to be a successful person. To illustrate, my neighbor Amy who is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
piano player and her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are both doctors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Amy’s family respect her choice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
she is a successful musician.

Third, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me feel pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "tries", "tried".
try
to compare me with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To be specific, when I studied in university, one of the professors was my teacher’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend. He always cares about my scores and projects which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
tired. This kind of things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me feel pressure and I do not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the professor anymore.

Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may state that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
will bring lots of advantages.
For instance
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, we should not rely on out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
develop our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is unnecessary that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They
still
can give us useful suggestions and share working experience together even if we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is better to pursue a career that is similar to one of your parents careers than to pursue a career that is different from your parents careers v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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