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when there is a new technological device available, some people will buy it immediately, while others will wait until many others have adopted it. Which view do you agree more. v.1

when there is a new technological device available, some people will buy it immediately, while others will wait until many others have adopted it. Which view do you agree more. v. 1
Some people believe that a house is a better option to live a comfortable life, while others think that apartments are undoubtedly more convenient as compared to houses. Although personal houses can provide sufficient space and more privacy, it also increases the living expenses, which are relatively low if individuals live in apartments. The reason why some people give priority to houses is that houses are certainly spacious. As some people have big families, it is more suitable for them if they buy a house so that they can give each other space. Moreover, they can freely modify their place according to their family needs, such as they can add a garden or anything in their backyard that they can enjoy for relaxing. However, maintenance and cleanness of a big house are stressful activities. On the other hand, in modern society, people choose to live in apartments because they usually do not have free time that they can allocate to furnish their homes. If something is not working in the apartment, people can use the assistance provided by the building manager by just making a phone call, which is extremely convenient. Moreover, there are some other recreational activities available in many apartment buildings, such as the gym, swimming pool, and parks, in which residents share these benefits with other people, and they get to know each other. This is why apartments are more preferable over houses. In conclusion, it is everyone's personal choice if they want to live in a house or an apartment. However, according to modern society, apartments are more beneficial over the houses because people do not have to worry about the repairs or the expenses of living in apartments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is a better option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a comfortable life, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are
undoubtedly
more convenient as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
. Although personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
can provide sufficient space and more privacy, it
also
increases the living expenses, which are
relatively
low if individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in apartments.

The reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
are
certainly
spacious. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
families, it is more suitable for them if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can give each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
space.
Moreover
, they can
freely
modify their place according to their family needs, such as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a garden or anything in their backyard that they can enjoy for relaxing.
However
, maintenance and cleanness of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
are stressful activities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
usually
do not have free time that they can allocate to furnish their homes. If something is not working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the assistance provided by the building manager by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
making a phone call, which is
extremely
convenient.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
recreational activities available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
buildings, such as the gym, swimming pool, and parks, in which residents share these benefits with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. This is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are more preferable over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

In conclusion
, it is everyone's personal choice if they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
or an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
.
However
, according to modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
are more beneficial over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about the repairs or the expenses of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartments
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay when there is a new technological device available, some people will buy it immediately, while others will wait until many others have adopted it. Which view do you agree more. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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