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Do you agree disagree with the following statement? The most important thing the government can do to keep people healthy is to clean the environment. v.2

The most important thing the government can do to keep people healthy is to clean the environment. v. 2
Nowadays, it is easier that people lived longer and healthier than before. Some people may state that the most important thing that the government can keep people healthy is to clean the environment, while others argue that there are other things to help people keep healthy. In my opinion, I disagree that cleaning the environment is the only way to keep people state healthy for some reasons. First of all, constructing hospitals is a crucial way to improve people’s lives. For example, there is some countryside lack of hospital building. Through developing more hospitals, people who live in the inconvenient places can still get complete treatment as soon as possible. Furthermore, the locals don not need to spread amount of money and time to transit from their hometown to big cities to find a better medical resource. Second, government should improve the medical workers’ salary to attract more people to contribute in medical environment. To be specific, some public hospital has lack of nurses and doctors. I had a serious fever when I was an elementary student. When I entered the gate of the hospital, I saw lots of patients but there is only few nurses and doctors. They worked over than ten hours per day without rest. In addition, some patients are really rude for those workers. If the nurses and doctors are not enough anymore or the decide to strike to protest, no one will cure the patients especially the people who get injury. Third, establishing a complete healthy insurance is more efficient than just cleaning the environment. To illustrate, our government provide national healthy insurance for all the citizens. Nevertheless, poor person may hard to be cured in some countries because they do not have insurance. Actually, public insurance not only help everyone get the medical resources but also distribute the resources in every city as well. Definitely, some people may state that cleaning the environment can help people stay healthy. However, it is a negative way because government have to hire lots of people to clean the environment and it will pollute the future, it is an inefficient way and a waste of money. To conclude, there are lots of factors to help people keep healthy instead of just cleaning environment.
Nowadays, it is easier that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
longer and healthier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may state that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is to clean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, while others argue that there are other things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. In my opinion, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
is a crucial way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countryside lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
building. Through developing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the inconvenient places can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
complete treatment as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Furthermore
, the locals
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
need to spread amount of money and time to transit from their hometown to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities to find a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
resource.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
workers’ salary to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to contribute in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. To be specific,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
has lack of nurses and doctors. I had a serious fever when I was an elementary student. When I entered the gate of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
lots of patients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few nurses and doctors. They worked
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
over
than ten hours per day without rest.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
patients are
really
rude for those workers. If the nurses and doctors are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
anymore or
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'decide' is correct. If 'decide' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the decide
to strike to protest, no one will cure the patients
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
injury.

Third, establishing a complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
is more efficient than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. To illustrate, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provide national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
for all the citizens.
Nevertheless
, poor person may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
be cured
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
. Actually, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
distribute the resources in every city
as well
.

Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
However
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hire lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to clean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and it will pollute the future, it is an inefficient way and a waste of money.
To conclude
, there are lots of factors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The most important thing the government can do to keep people healthy is to clean the environment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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