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When a new technological device becomes available. Some people buy it right away, while others will wait until many have acquired it. Which do you prefer? v.1

When a new technological device becomes available. Some people buy it right away, while others will wait until many have acquired it. Which do you prefer? v. 1
Experts throughout both the developing and developed world have debated whether the advent of sophisticated modern technology, such as mobile phones, laptops and iPad have helped to enhance and improve people’s social lives or whether the opposite has become the case. Personally, I strongly advocate the former view. This essay will discuss both sides using examples from the UK government and Oxford University to demonstrate points and prove arguments. On the one hand, there is ample, powerful, almost daily evidence that such technology can be detrimental, especially to the younger generation who are more easily affected by its addictive nature and which can result in people feeling more isolated from the society. The central reason behind this is twofold, firstly, the invention of online social media sites and apps, such as Twitter and Facebook have reduced crucial face-to-face interactions dramatically. Through use of these appealing and attractive mediums, people feel in touch and connected yet lack key social skills and the ability to communicate. Secondly, dependence on such devices is built up frighteningly easily which may have a damaging effect on mental health and encourage a sedentary lifestyle. For example, recent scientific research by the UK government demonstrated that 90% of people in their 30s spend over 20 hours per week on Messenger and similar applications to chat with their friends instead of meeting up and spending quality time together or doing sport. As a result, it is conclusively clear that these technological advancements have decreased and diminished our real life interactions. On the other hand, although there are significant downsides to technological developments, its’ multifold advantages cannot be denied. This is largely because the popularity of technology, such as cellphones allows people to connect freely and easily with no geographical barriers. People are able to share any type of news, information, photos and opinions with their loved ones whenever and wherever they want, therefore, keeping a feeling of proximity and closeness. For example, an extensive study by Oxford University illustrated that people who work, or study abroad and use applications like Facetime and WhatsApp to chat with their families, are less likely to experience loneliness and feel out of the loop than those who do not. Consistent with this line of thinking is that businessmen are also undoubtedly able to benefit from these advances by holding virtual real -time meetings using Skype, which may increase the chance of closing business deals without the need to fly. From the arguments and examples given I firmly believe that overall communication and mans’ sociability has been advanced enormously due to huge the huge technological progress of the past twenty years and despite some potentially serious health implications which governments should not fail to address, it is predicted that its popularity will continue to flourish in the future.
Experts throughout both the developing and developed world have debated whether the advent of sophisticated modern technology, such as mobile phones, laptops and iPad have
helped
to enhance and
improve
people’s
social
lives
or whether the opposite has become the case.
Personally
, I
strongly
advocate the former view. This essay will discuss both sides using
examples
from the UK
government
and Oxford University to demonstrate points and prove arguments.

On the one hand, there is ample, powerful, almost daily evidence that such technology can be detrimental,
especially
to the younger generation who are more
easily
affected
by its addictive nature and which can result in
people
feeling more isolated from the society. The central reason behind this is twofold,
firstly
, the invention of online social media sites and apps, such as Twitter and Facebook have
reduced
crucial face-to-face interactions
dramatically
. Through
use
of these appealing and attractive mediums,
people
feel in touch and connected
yet
lack key social
skills
and the ability to communicate.
Secondly
, dependence on such devices
is built
up
frighteningly
easily
which may have a damaging effect on mental health and encourage a sedentary lifestyle. For
example
, recent scientific research by the UK
government
demonstrated that 90% of
people
in their 30s spend over 20 hours per week on Messenger and similar applications to chat with their friends
instead
of meeting up and spending quality time together or doing sport.
As a result
, it is
conclusively
clear
that these technological advancements have decreased and diminished our real life interactions.

On the other hand
, although there are significant downsides to technological developments,
its’
multifold
advantages cannot
be denied
. This is
largely
because
the popularity of technology, such as cellphones
allows
people
to connect
freely
and
easily
with no geographical barriers.
People
are able to share any type of news, information, photos and opinions with their
loved
ones whenever and wherever they want,
therefore
, keeping a feeling of proximity and closeness. For
example
, an extensive study by Oxford University illustrated that
people
who work, or study abroad and
use
applications like
Facetime
and WhatsApp to chat with their families, are less likely to experience loneliness and feel out of the loop than those who do not. Consistent with this line of thinking is that businessmen are
also
undoubtedly
able to benefit from these advances by holding virtual real -time meetings using Skype, which may increase the chance of closing business deals without the need to
fly
.

From the arguments and
examples
given
I
firmly
believe that
overall
communication and
mans
’ sociability has
been advanced
enormously
due to huge the huge technological progress of the past twenty years and despite
some
potentially
serious health implications which
governments
should not fail to address, it
is predicted
that its popularity will continue to flourish in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay When a new technological device becomes available. Some people buy it right away, while others will wait until many have acquired it. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
465 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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