Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rules that the whole society today expect young people to follow are too strict. v.554

The rules that the whole society today expect young people to follow are too strict. v. 554
Rules are the basic principles of our day to day life; hence, the behavior of people should not go beyond the lines circumscribed by rules. Indeed, rules are strong weapons to maintain peace and harmony in any given society. Various points of view which are germane to the matter being discussed brings us to the moot question as to whether in today' s hectic city of life, rules that crowds of young people should keep track of them, are strict. However, the popular sentiment to which I vehemently cling is that nowadays, rules are dependent on the places, situations and times. So, these factors should be taken into consideration in order to distinguish whether a rule is strict or not. The following paragraphs will aptly substantiate my personal stance. To commence with, it is established beyond doubt that rules play an important role in nations owing to the fact that they contribute greatly to the harmony of a society. Broadly speaking, many aspects of a rule like condition, place and time should be considered carefully to determine whether a rule is strict or not. As a vivid example, students at the school are required to study hard in order to receive an excellent score. Strict rules here could work properly and effectively owing to the fact that if students are not responsible for their education, then, strict rules could force them to follow their study and reach a tertiary education. To elucidate more on this issue, strict rules are not fundamentally hard and ineffective because not only can they keep harmony in the society but also can help people in their personal lives. Another equally salient example in corroborating my stance is children who are deprived of watching TV by their parents. If we take a minute to ponder over it, at a first glance this rule might seem unfavorable to children, but obviously this strict rule could provide an opportunity for children to lead a healthy life. In fact, radiations emitted by the screen could have deleterious effects for their eye-sight in the long run. It can be deduced from a combination of breadth of coverage and depth of detail that strict rules might have positive effects in many cases as mentioned above. Although they might be unpleasant for people, they will run into a favorable condition. However, every coin has two sides. Rules are now stricter than past time and myriads of people have to act based on these rules. For instance, rules in a high ranked university, are now harder owing to the fact that dropout rate is increasing extensively among college students. So, this could lead to some negative consequences because there is no need to enact strict rules in the university. However, it was a story in a nutshell; actually, there are more reasonable grounds that can lend weight to m personal viewpoint. In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rules
are the basic principles of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life;
hence
, the behavior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not go beyond the lines circumscribed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are strong weapons to maintain peace and harmony in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
society. Various points of view which are germane to the matter
being discussed
brings us to the moot question
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s hectic city of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that crowds of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of them, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
.
However
, the popular sentiment to which I
vehemently
cling is that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are dependent on the places, situations and times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these factors should
be taken
into consideration in order to distinguish whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
or not. The following paragraphs will
aptly
substantiate my personal stance.

To commence with, it
is established
beyond doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in nations owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that they contribute
greatly
to the harmony of a society.
Broadly
speaking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
like condition, place and time should
be considered
carefully
to determine whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
or not. As a vivid example, students at the school
are required
to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to receive an excellent score.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
here could work
properly
and
effectively
owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that if students are not responsible for their education, then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
could force them to follow their study and reach a tertiary education. To elucidate more on this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are not
fundamentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and ineffective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
harmony in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Another
equally
salient example in corroborating my stance is children who
are deprived
of watching TV by their parents. If we take a minute to ponder over it, at a
first
glance this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
might seem unfavorable to children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
obviously
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
could provide an opportunity for children to lead a healthy life. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, radiations emitted by the screen could have deleterious effects for their eye-sight in the long run. It can
be deduced
from a combination of breadth of coverage and depth of detail that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases as mentioned above. Although they might be unpleasant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they will run into a favorable condition.

However
, every coin has two sides.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rules
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
stricter than
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
and myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
act based on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
in a high ranked university, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
harder owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that dropout rate is increasing
extensively
among college students.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no need to enact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
in the university.
However
, it was a story in a nutshell; actually, there are more reasonable grounds that can lend weight to m personal viewpoint.

In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The rules that the whole society today expect young people to follow are too strict. v. 554

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
485 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts