Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rules that the whole society today expect young people to follow are too strict. v.129

The rules that the whole society today expect young people to follow are too strict. v. 129
People have always been influenced by many things around them. Peers and friends of the same age group are one of the key things who have a substantial influence on a person's life choices and decisions. This particular influence is called "peer pressure" which can be very disadvantageous for a person as it may lead to some very dangerous and life threatening choices. First and foremost, as per scientific research, peer pressure is linked to one of the highest stress factors in a person's day to day life. This pressure from the friend often leads a person to do things which they will think twice before doing under normal circumstances. For example, in a friend circle of five one is a non-smoker there is a very good probability of him to start smoking due to peer pressure and get addicted to smoking for his whole life. While this peer pressure is usually not addressed, although it can change a person's personality in a way that he starts to behave, dress and even speak like his peers. This happens when a person tries to be a part of the group, but they don't accept him until he actually starts to look like him. For instance, when I tried to be a part of the skateboarding group, as they were also from the same street, they were not very open to teach and mingle with me until I started to dress and act like them. This eventually lead me to start drinking as they all were regular drinkers unlike me so in order for them to be my good friends I started to go to pubs and drinking regularly. In conclusion, peer pressure usually is quite powerful, mostly negative, and it can cause a person to change his lifestyle and personality in order to be accepted by people of the same age group. I personally think that the disadvantages of peer pressure far outweigh the few advantages of it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have always
been influenced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things around them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
of the same age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
are one of the key things who have a substantial influence on a person's life choices and decisions. This particular influence
is called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
peer pressure
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disadvantageous for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
as it may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and life threatening choices.

First
and foremost, as per scientific research,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is linked
to one of the highest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
factors in a person's
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to do things which they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing under normal circumstances.
For example
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
circle of five one is a non-smoker there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
probability of him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
smoking due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to smoking for his whole life.

While this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
is
usually
not addressed, although it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a person's personality in a way that he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starts
to behave, dress and even speak like his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
. This happens when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
tries to be a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don't accept him until he actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starts
to look like him.
For instance
, when I tried to be a part of the skateboarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, as they were
also
from the same street, they were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
open to teach and mingle with me until I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to dress and act like them. This
eventually
lead me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
drinking as they all were regular drinkers unlike me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in order for them to be my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to go to pubs and drinking
regularly
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
usually
is quite powerful,
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, and it can cause a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his lifestyle and personality in order to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the same age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
far outweigh the few advantages of it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The rules that the whole society today expect young people to follow are too strict. v. 129

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts