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Group and organizations are an important part of some people's live. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Use specific reaons and examples to explain your answer. v.2

Group and organizations are an important part of some people's live. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Use specific reaons and examples to explain your answer. v. 2
Sociability is an essential characteristic of the human being because we can create groups of a high level of organization needed to develop relationships crucial for our lives. I believe there are plenty of reasons to explain the relevance of groups or organizations in our society, some of them I will present in the following paragraphs. First of all, from the beginning of our lives, we belong to a group, called the core of society by some sociologists, which is the family. It is the most important group to which we belong. Although nowadays the diversity of families is greater than some centuries ago, it is still the basic unit of society. This fact may be explained that it is in our nature to belong to a group. We share similar characteristics with the other members of the group and many similarities. For instance, a family has the same blood, many common biological features, and physical appearance too. Additionally, members of the same family tend to practice the same religion and have a similar political ideology. To be specific, if you were born in a communist family, it is likely that you will be a communist too, or at least you will be communist friendly. Nevertheless, there might be huge exceptions. Second, common beliefs make people gather together to support a specific lifestyle or ideology. Religious groups are known worldwide. For instance, Catholics are one of the most large, if not the largest, religious group in the world. They believe in God, adore Jesus as the son of God, and recognize the authority of the Pope, who is the Bishop of Rome. Despite the different opinions about current controversial topics among the people who practice this doctrine, they feel identified to this universal church which, according to them, was founded by Christ himself. So, active members gather every Sunday in the Holy Mass, and do diverse charity works for the poor, to name some examples. Thirdly, people like to regularly practice group activities which they enjoy. For example, young men who love soccer in my neighborhood gather together at the soccer field every other day to play. So, they have created a group called Eduadiños to participate in competitions with other teams. In summary, people create groups to belong to a community and do activities together which can be explained by ways of thinking, entertainment, and others.
Sociability is an essential characteristic of the human being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of a high level of organization needed to develop relationships crucial for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the relevance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
or organizations in our society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them I will present in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, from the beginning of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belong
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, called the core of society by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sociologists, which is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
to which we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belong
. Although nowadays the diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is greater than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
centuries ago, it is
still
the basic unit of society. This fact may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that it is in our nature to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belong
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. We share similar characteristics with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
similarities.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has the same blood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
common biological features, and physical appearance too.
Additionally
, members of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tend to practice the same religion and have a similar political ideology. To be specific, if you
were born
in a communist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it is likely that you will be a communist too, or at least you will be communist friendly.
Nevertheless
, there might be huge exceptions.

Second, common beliefs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gather together to support a specific lifestyle or ideology. Religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
are known
worldwide.
For instance
, Catholics are one of
This adjective uses the short comparatives form.
the most large
, if not the largest, religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
in the world. They believe in God, adore Jesus as the son of God, and recognize the authority of the Pope, who is the Bishop of Rome. Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
controversial topics among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who practice this doctrine, they feel identified to this universal church which, according to them,
was founded
by Christ himself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, active members gather every Sunday in the Holy Mass, and do diverse charity works for the poor, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
regularly
practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities which they enjoy.
For example
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
soccer in my neighborhood gather together at the soccer field every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
day to play.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they have created a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eduadiños
to participate in competitions with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
teams.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belong
to a community and do activities together which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by ways of thinking, entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Group and organizations are an important part of some people's live. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Use specific reaons and examples to explain your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
397 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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