Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement The most important problems affecting our society today could be solved within our lifetime v.1

The most important problems affecting our society today could be solved within our lifetime v. 1
The world has become a world so sophisticated thank not only to the blooming of human population but also the advance of technology. Owing to this, a problem once simpler has become more and more complex as well. Sadly, I have to admit that I believe these problems would not be eliminated during our lifetime. Gender equality has been a hotly debated issue since decades ago, and there is no evidence that this issue is going to end soon. Eventhough movements of feminism have rise long ago since eighteenth centuries, most women in the world are still suffer from discriminations. They are still struggling to be treated as same as men on the political, social and economic fields. Moreover, new issues like gender identity or homosexual concept even make gender equality more complicated and harder to reach. Health issue would accounted for another problem that would last. According to datas from the most recent studies, cancer has become the top killer of people over sixty-years-old in developed countries. Drugs and medicines are springing up to claim to fight against this deadly ilness, yet scientist hasn’t unite their strategies to win this long campaign. For example, once in a while there are always news about thrilling advances in medicine that could help human move a step forward toward cancer, but soon this achievement would be nothing more than a old news since cancer cells are so conning and deceiving to us. For the serious problems given above, it is difficult to believe that these problems would end soon. Although this seems to be a discouraging conclusion, we should also look at the bright side. Perhaps these endless problems could also serve as a reflection of the progress, advance and complexity of human society.
The world has become a world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sophisticated thank not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the blooming of human population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the advance of technology. Owing to this, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
once simpler has become more and more complex
as well
.
Sadly
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that I believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
would not
be eliminated
during our lifetime.

Gender equality has been a
hotly
debated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
since decades ago, and there is no evidence that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
movements of feminism have rise long ago since eighteenth centuries, most women in the world are
still
Consider using a past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
from discriminations. They are
still
struggling to
be treated
as same as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
on the political, social and economic fields.
Moreover
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
like gender identity or homosexual concept even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
gender equality more complicated and harder to reach.

Health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "account"
accounted
for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that would last. According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
datas
from the most recent studies, cancer has become the top killer of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over sixty-years-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. Drugs and medicines are springing up to claim to fight against this deadly
Possible spelling mistake found.
ilness
,
yet
scientist hasn’t unite their strategies to win this long campaign.
For example
, once in a while there are always news about thrilling advances in medicine that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
a step forward toward cancer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
this achievement would be nothing more than a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
news since cancer cells are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
conning and deceiving to us.

For the serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, it is difficult to believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Although this seems to be a discouraging conclusion, we should
also
look at the bright side. Perhaps these endless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
could
also
serve as a reflection of the progress, advance and complexity of human society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The most important problems affecting our society today could be solved within our lifetime v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts