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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is easier to maintain good health today than in the past. v.429

It is easier to maintain good health today than in the past. v. 429
Nobody can overlook the fact that in this progressive and sophisticated world, where we live, paying attention to good health plays a considerable role in the quality of people`s lives. While some folks hold the opinion that keeping good health is more accessible today than before, others stand at the other side of this continuum and believe the opposite. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter group and my justifications to substantiate this point of view are elaborated hereupon. To begin with, maintaining good health can not be achieved without having a healthy diet. As everybody knows, the quality of food was much higher in the past, compared to these days. To be more specific, nowadays farmers use various kinds of chemical fertilizers, and pesticides to improve the efficiency of their land to gain more profit, however, all of those chemical substances can cause terrible effects on human`s health and leads to different sorts of diseases such as cancer, stomach problems and so on. However, in the past, all of the farm products used to be produced by natural fertilizer. For example, past farmers used to apply the debris of plants and trees, and also animal fertilizers for the soil enrichment, nevertheless, according to my research, these days farmers use nitrogen, and phosphate for the soil enforcement. As a result, in the past, people had high-quality food. Furthermore, a healthy lifestyle needs regular exercise that is difficult in modern life. In other words, in the past, owing to the lack of technology, most of the tasks had to be done by people`s hands. For instance, people used to do physical activity for milling their grains, preparing their land for farming, and even for building the required object for life. Whereas, in these days by technological improvements, humankind has faced with a sedentary lifestyle in front of the computers. Also, because of the hectic life, the folks are highly busy, consequently, can not find any free time to go to the gyms and do some exercise. Therefore acquiring good health is noticeable hard these days in comparison to the past. In a nutshell, according to the aforementioned reasons, having good health was easier in the past not only because of the organic food but also for the more motion that people had during their lifetime.
Nobody can overlook the fact that in this progressive and sophisticated world, where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, paying attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
plays a considerable role in the quality of
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks hold the opinion that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is more accessible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, others stand at the other side of this continuum and believe the opposite. As far as I
am concerned
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter group and my justifications to substantiate this point of view
are elaborated
hereupon.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
can not
be achieved
without having a healthy diet. As everybody knows, the quality of food was much higher in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, compared to these days. To be more specific, nowadays farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
various kinds of chemical fertilizers, and pesticides to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the efficiency of their land to gain more profit,
however
, all of those chemical substances can cause terrible effects on
The character between 'human' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "human’s" (curly apostrophe) or "human's" (straight apostrophe).
human`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of diseases such as cancer, stomach problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
However
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
farm products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be produced
by natural fertilizer.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to apply the debris of plants and trees, and
also
animal fertilizers for the soil enrichment,
nevertheless
, according to my research, these days farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
nitrogen, and phosphate for the soil enforcement.
As a result
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had high-quality food.

Furthermore
, a healthy lifestyle needs regular exercise
that is
difficult in modern life.
In other words
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, owing to the lack of technology, most of the tasks had to
be done
by
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
hands.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do physical activity for milling their grains, preparing their land for farming, and even for building the required object for life. Whereas, in these days by technological improvements, humankind has faced with a sedentary lifestyle in front of the computers.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the hectic life, the folks are
highly
busy,
consequently
, can not find any free time to go to the gyms and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
these days
in comparison
to the past.

In a nutshell, according to the aforementioned reasons, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
was easier in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the organic food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the more motion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had during their lifetime.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay It is easier to maintain good health today than in the past. v. 429

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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