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Countries（where there is high unemployment）most pupils should be offered only primary education, there is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Countries（where there is high unemployment）most pupils should be offered only primary education, there is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. v. 2
It is argued that whether students should be given only primary education instead of secondary education or higher, especially in those countries having high unemployment rate. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this point of view seeing that educational settings equip schoolchildren with not only necessary knowledge, but also basic codes of conduct, which are of great important for those future job applicants. Those proponents who advocate with this statement believe that rudimentary knowledge gained from primary schools is sufficient for those students to embark on their career, rather than pursue higher education. However, it is a mistaken belief seeing that this knowledge is only the founder and play almost no role in children’s future. For example, with literacy and numeracy skills attained from primary schools, job hunters cannot secure a decent job, notably those require high level of mathematic skills like accountant. Those knowledge, in deed, play important part in eleminate illiracy in disadvantaged countries like Africa, where residents have low intellectual level. Besides teaching useful know-how relevant to future career path, secondary education also offer students social etiquette, which is vital for them to become the productive members of their society. It is true that many school leavers turn to crime career after being discharged from schools in default of proper guidance from teachers. It is easier for them to fall foul of the law and be led astray by their ill-mannered peers. As a result, their society have to deal with not only unemployment but also high crime rate. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the idea that it is only primary education that is important for schoolchildren, especially those are believed that willnot have a job in their future.
It
is argued
that whether students should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
of secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or higher,
especially
in those countries having high unemployment rate. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this point of view seeing that educational settings equip schoolchildren with not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
basic codes of conduct, which are of great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applicants.

Those proponents who advocate with this statement believe that rudimentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
gained from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is sufficient for those students to embark on their career,
rather
than pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, it is a mistaken belief seeing that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the founder and play almost no role in children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For example
, with literacy and numeracy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
attained from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunters cannot secure a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
notably
those require high level of mathematic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like accountant. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, in deed, play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in
Possible spelling mistake found.
eleminate
Possible spelling mistake found.
illiracy
in disadvantaged countries like Africa, where residents have low intellectual level.

Besides
teaching useful know-how relevant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
career path, secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
offer students social etiquette, which is vital for them to become the productive members of their society. It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
turn to crime career after
being discharged
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in default of proper guidance from teachers. It is easier for them to fall foul of the law and
be led
astray by their ill-mannered peers.
As a result
, their society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
unemployment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
high crime rate.

In conclusion
, I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for schoolchildren,
especially
those
are believed
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
willnot
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries（where there is high unemployment）most pupils should be offered only primary education, there is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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