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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The food we eat today is much healthier than in the past. v.422

The food we eat today is much healthier than in the past. v. 422
The reason why people regard food we eat today as something much healthier is beyond me. From my perspective, nowadays the living condition of grain and vegetable has been seriously polluted. Besides, due to the fast pace of living, junk food has been popular and available everywhere. As a result, I strongly disagree with the statement that food we eat today is much healthier than the past. First of all, nowadays environmental pollution has been a nightmare that haunts all of us. Thanks to the industrial revolution and the deforestation, the air we breathe and the water we drink can' t be one hundred percent clean, not to mention the food we eat. According to a research, 70 percent of the grains we consume today come from the polluted soil, which is mainly made up of heavy metals such as zinc and iron. Once such heavy metals are absorbed by the roots of the plants, they will spread over the plants. Then if we eat such polluted grains, these heavy metals would float in our blood and gradually stick to our cells. Finally, they will attack our immune systems so that we are more easily to get sick. However, since the soil and water in the past are much purer, the food at that time is much cleaner as well. At least, unlike food today, food in the past would not affect our physical health. Secondly, with the huge demand of food, more and more genetically modified food appears. As you see, the population all over the world has been increased by 40 percent in the last few decades. To solve the problem of food shortage, some scientists today invented genetically modified food whose growth circle is much shorter. Therefore, the majority of bread, beef, port and even cabbage we consume are genetically modified. However, with time passing by, those people who eat only genetically modified food come to get a variety of diseases. Some people never fail to get headache when they get up and others always get stomachache after having lunch. After studying these strange phenomena, scientists realized that genetically modified foods actually do more harm than good. Thus, in my opinion, food today is much more dangerous to us because you never know what will happen after you eat them. In addition, due the fast pace of living today, people have no time to sit down and enjoy healthy formal meal. In order to save time, most of us would walk along the street while eating the sandwich at the same time. As a result, such junk food has got more and more popular because of its portable attribution. However, it is well known that those junk foods not only lack nutrition but also is cooked by unhealthy oil. Therefore, these fast foods potentially damage to our health. Compared to the food today, food in the past seems to be treated much more carefully. To draw a conclusion, taking what I have mentioned above, I am strongly convinced that food we eat today is not as healthy as that in the past.
The reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
as something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
healthier is beyond me. From my perspective, nowadays the living condition of grain and vegetable has been
seriously
polluted.
Besides
, due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of living, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has been popular and available everywhere.
As a result
, I
strongly
disagree with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
healthier than the past.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nowadays environmental pollution has been a nightmare that haunts all of us. Thanks to the industrial revolution and the deforestation, the air we breathe and the water we drink
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t be one hundred percent clean, not to mention the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
. According to a research, 70 percent of the grains we consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the polluted soil, which is
mainly
made up of heavy metals such as zinc and iron. Once such heavy metals
are absorbed
by the roots of the plants, they will spread over the plants. Then if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
such polluted grains, these heavy metals would float in our blood and
gradually
stick to our cells.
Finally
, they will attack our immune systems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we are more
easily
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick.
However
, since the soil and water in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
purer, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
cleaner
as well
. At least, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
would not affect our physical health.

Secondly
, with the huge demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
appears. As you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, the population all over the world has
been increased
by 40 percent in the last few decades. To solve the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shortage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
invented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
whose growth circle is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
shorter.
Therefore
, the majority of bread, beef, port and even cabbage we consume are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
.
However
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
passing by, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a variety of diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
headache when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stomachache after having lunch. After studying these strange phenomena, scientists realized that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
actually do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Thus
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you never know what will happen after you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
them.

In addition
, due the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to sit down and enjoy healthy formal meal. In order to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, most of us would walk along the street while eating the sandwich at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, such junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more and more popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its portable attribution.
However
, it is well known that those junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lack nutrition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is cooked
by unhealthy oil.
Therefore
, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
potentially
damage to our health. Compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
seems to
be treated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more
carefully
.

To draw a conclusion, taking what I have mentioned above, I am
strongly
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
is not as healthy as that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The food we eat today is much healthier than in the past. v. 422

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
515 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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