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All over the world people spend more time on sports and exercises these days. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Give your opinion with supporting examples from your own experience. v.3

All over the world people spend more time on sports and exercises these days. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Give your opinion with supporting examples from your own experience. v. 3
Human are living more enjpyable on doing exercies and play sports worldwide. People may have different perspectives regarding to whether this new. Trend would bring positive or negative effects on society. I, in my point of view, strongly stand for this healthy tendency. Playing any kind of sports, indeed, has long been proven to be beneficial for human health. The more time we spend an excerise, the better outcome we are able to achieve. This is considered as long term result which would, definitely, lead to tremendous reduction rates of diabetes, hypertension as well as cardiovascular diseases. For example, it has been recently reported in a newly published article that the number of cases dead due to ischemic heart attack in America was sharply declinedin 2016 compared to the previous year. An this is associated with the increased amount of time US citizens spent on excerises along with dropping rate of smoking. Not until we started taking up sport such as football, tennis, badimton, … do we notice how much time we have wasted on other detrimental activities like playing fames, surfing on facebook. In addition, it is also highly likely that doing physical exercise can improve not on; y our shape but also sharpen our mind. I, in particular, think that all age groups should do and enjoy sports as it is a healthy way to enjoy our lives. Particularly when it comes to the era of fast food industry and computerizes revolution where people consume products rich in fat and spend all day sitting beside computers or ipad. It is, admittedly, said to deterierate not only our health but also our mutual relationships. Thus, taking up any type of sports and doing it regularly are highly recommended in order to maintain a good healthy life. By the way of conclusion, T here once reaffirm my support for spending time on physical activities. Our planet residents would only get better in terms of health outcomes.
Human are living more
Possible spelling mistake found.
enjpyable
on doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
exercies
and play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
worldwide.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
whether this new. Trend would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on society. I, in my point of view,
strongly
stand for this healthy tendency.

Playing any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
indeed
, has long
been proven
to be beneficial for human health. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we spend an
Possible spelling mistake found.
excerise
, the better outcome we are able to achieve. This
is considered
as long term result which would, definitely, lead to tremendous reduction rates of diabetes, hypertension
as well
as cardiovascular diseases.
For example
, it has been recently reported in a
newly
published article that the number of cases dead due to ischemic heart attack in America was
sharply
Possible spelling mistake found.
declinedin
2016 compared to the previous year.
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "An" or "this" is left.
An this
is associated
with the increased amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
US citizens spent on
Possible spelling mistake found.
excerises
along with dropping rate of smoking. Not until we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
such as football, tennis,
Possible spelling mistake found.
badimton
, … do we notice how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we have wasted on other detrimental activities like playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
fames
, surfing on
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
.
In addition
, it is
also
highly
likely that doing physical exercise can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
not on; y our shape
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
sharpen our mind.

I,
in particular
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all age groups should do and enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it is a healthy way to enjoy our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Particularly
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the era of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food industry and computerizes revolution where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume products rich in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and spend all day sitting beside computers or
Possible spelling mistake found.
ipad
. It is,
admittedly
, said to
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterierate
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our mutual relationships.
Thus
, taking up any type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and doing it
regularly
Did you mean "is"?
are
highly
recommended in order to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthy life.

By the way of conclusion, T here once reaffirm my support for spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on physical activities. Our planet residents would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better in terms of health outcomes.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay All over the world people spend more time on sports and exercises these days. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Give your opinion with supporting examples from your own experience. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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